I Wish It Was Easy (Dandelion Series #2)

Simula

100 sent messages.

I sighed.

Akalain mo nga naman, sa loob ng sampung minutong pagtatambay ko rito sa hagdan ng fire exit ay nag-abala pa akong imessage ka.

But... I miss you so much. My heart hurts and it tightens every time I typed those words for you.

May balak ka kayang basahin ang mga ito?

Aasa na naman ata ako sa wala? Pero teka... kailan ka nga ba nag-abala na basahin ang mga messages ko?

I acted like it wasn't a big deal, when really it was killing me inside.

At the same time, I'm trying my best to manage and work to solve my own problems as well as tried to support you on yours.

Pero alam mo ba kung ano pa? Yung lagi rin akong nasa tabi ni Ate.

Si Ate na magaling.

Si Ate na masayahin.

Si Ate na mahalaga.

Si Ate na mahal ng lahat.

Si Ate na mahal ka, at sa tingin ko mahal mo na rin.

Si Ate na naging dahilan para bitawan kita...

Sa huli... siguro nga kasalanan ko pa rin talaga.

Pero...

Ano ba ang gusto mong gawin ko? Ang pagsisihan pa lalo ang ginawa ko hanggang sa oras na ito? Hindi pa ba sapat na sinakripisyo ko ang lahat para sa inyo? Hindi pa ba sapat na gusto ko kayong maging masaya? Kahit na labag din 'yon sa loob ko?

Despite of that... I always end up asking you over and over again.

Why did you break my heart so easily?

Why do I have to endure the pain all alone?

Did you even try to fight for us?

Why did you lie to me and make me feel that it was really my fault?

Why is it easy for you to give up?

Do you... really love me?

You know how much I loved you right? But why is that, every minute of my life staying in this hospital... I feel worthless?

I feel betrayed...

And I feel pathetic.

Look what you've done to me... are you happy now?

I smiled bitterly. It maybe tough right now, but don't worry. I will make sure in front of you that I will get better. I hope you will understand eventually why everything has happened and how my decision made your life better... without me.

At the end of the day, I wonder what life would be like if you were still here.

I know you'd hate it... but I still think of you and hopelessly wishing that you were here.