The Road Ahead (A Hunter Hayes Fanfiction, Book 4 of The Hardships Saga)

Chapter Fifty-Two

❝confess (pronounced kənˈfɛs or kuh n-fes), verb
to admit or avow as true.❞

Amanda Thomas-Diaz looked nothing like Hunter in Elle's opinion. She had been checking her Facebook and Instagram accounts constantly, and Amanda was the type to add back anyone who added her on Snapchat. Her pictures were all the same- herself, with pouty lips, and her breasts hanging out her low cut shirt, and dresses that could have been pillowcases for all that they covered of her skin.

But she might be too quick to judge. After all, Eva had been rude, even though Elle had expected her to be kind. Perhaps Amanda would be kind, though Elle didn't expect her to be so.

She stretched, rubbing her head tiredly. It was nine thirty, and she hadn't slept well. She took her pill, and walked into the sitting room in the bus. Phoenix had his nose buried, Nita curled around him, and Hunter was staring intently at a set design.

She sat down, and Hunter mumbled a "good morning," while still staring at the set. She nodded in response, and took a sip of the coffee Hunter had left for her. She glanced at Phoenix, who nodded quickly, closing his book and clicking his tongue, motioning for Nita to follow him into the bunk area. She had spoken to him about how she wanted to talk to Hunter that morning about something private, and he had agreed to leave the room in that time, provided that Elle relayed all the information back to him later.

"Pa?"

"Yeah?" he said, sounding disinterested.

"How's everything between you and Ma?"

He paused, his pencil hovering over the paper. Then he sighed, setting it down. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth, preferably."

"I mean... it's not terrible."

"But it's not fantastic?"

"I don't know what it is."

"What was the last thing you said to her? Before we left?"

He hesitated. "That I was sorry."

"For?"

"Everything." He sounded broken. "For hurting her. For being selfish. For leaving her when she needed me most. When we needed each other."

"I noticed the week before you left that you two weren't talking. What's up with that?"

His hands shook slightly. "Nothing."

"I'm seventeen now, Pa," she reminded him gently. "I know I'm still a kid, but I'm old enough to understand some things."

He looked at the table. "I know you're old enough to understand," he said softly. "I'm just ashamed of myself. At who I am. What I've done."

"What do you mean?"

He stared at the table. Then, he said, "Ellie, you remember when you tried to break up with Drew?"

She blinked. "I... um... I try not to, but yeah."

"Why did you do it?"

"Because I loved him too much to see him hurting," she said. "And it meant I wanted to leave him because I was selfish enough to believe that if I left him, he wouldn't hurt anymore. But that wasn't true. When I tried to leave him, all I was doing was pretending that he wasn't hurting by ignoring him."

He let out a feeble chuckle. "Damn it, Elle. You're not meant to be smarter than me."

She smiled slightly. "Well?"

"Yeah. I broke it off with Ma for the same reasons. I told her it was because I still loved Lilly, but that wasn't true. I haven't loved Lilly for years. I don't know why I say her name in my sleep, but I assume it's digging up all of these stupid memories. I tried to leave my life before you behind, but I just... can't."