Set Him Free

When I'm Not Accepted

  "Yeah, Mom. I understand." I made my way up the stairs with two grocery bags in one hand and my purse in the other, my phone between my shoulder and cheek. "Hey, I just got home. I'll call you back, okay? Okay. Bye, Mom."

I hung up the phone just in time to open my dorm room's door, dumping the overflowing grocery bags onto the floor and throwing my purse onto my bed. Lilee gave a small nod of acknowledgment from her place on her bed, her eyes never leaving her laptop where watching her Netflix marathon. After all, it was spring break.

"How was your date with Atticus, Lil?" I asked, sitting down on my desk chair and opening my laptop to check my email.

She hummed in reply, tapping her computer and pausing her show. "I feel like he's getting tired of me, you know? He seemed so out of it tonight."

I chuckled internally. It was always straight to the point with Lilee. "He's totally in love with you, girl. Don't even think like that."

"I'm not so sure anymore, Paige. I mean, I still adore him and I honestly do trust him, but he just won't tell me what's going on."

I turned around to look at her. "I know Att. He would never hurt you, especially you, intentionally. He's changed a lot for you. Just try and get him to open up to you."

    I heard her sigh before it was quiet again, the conversation obviously over.

    It had been two weeks since I sent my resumé to the local Tuscan newspaper company. Three weeks since I sent it to an Indiana news anchor, and a month since I sent it to a New York company and a Boston magazine authorship. No emails from them yet. National Geographic had already politely declined, telling me I didn't fit into their requirements for the job. I tried sending some articles to Reader's Digest, but none had made the cut. It was a huge disappointment for someone who had worked so hard for a career she could believe in. I needed to convince my mother that a degree in writing could still make me successful.

I grew up with a family that didn't believe in me. My mom always told me, whenever she and my biological father would fight, that there was nothing I could do to stop the arguing. She told me I wasn't strong enough. After Atticus left, I told myself exactly what she told me. What could I possible do to get him to stay? I was weak, defenseless against the cruel reality that hovered over me like a rain cloud. When Scarlett beat me down, made me feel like nothing, I let her. Because why would I try to be confident in who I was if the world was never going to stop throwing boulders in my face?

College was a new beginning for me. I could finally show the people who thought I wasn't worth it that I could make it on my own. I got a substantial amount of scholarship money to make my writing dream become a reality. I aced all my classes, never giving the professors less than one hundred percent. I wrote short stories on the side, sometimes getting a few of them published on the last page of a local newspaper. I finally felt good about my capabilities, but obviously the most influential newspaper and magazine companies in the country didn't feel the same way.

Suddenly saddened, I told Lilee I was going out and grabbed my baseball cap, needing to get outside and get a breath of fresh air. I practically ran down the stairs of the dormitory and outside into the blistering heat. My flip flops made slapping noises against the concrete sidewalk, breaking the silence. Most of the students were gone for spring break, which gave me some privacy.

I hurried to the grove of trees near the dorms, the place I always went when I needed a break. It was mostly secluded from the rest of the campus and no one really noticed you when you were just sitting under them. I discovered a noticeably larger tree that was hidden behind the shrubbery a while back and since then went there to sit under the shade when anything had gone wrong.

    My first grueling week of college. After Atticus promised to be different. When I found out him and Lilee were dating. When Prim told me she and Trent had drunkenly hooked up. And now after my mother called to remind me that I needed to think about my future and not "get attached."

My grades dropped after Atticus left in high school. My mother was furious by my lack of perseverance in my school work that she completely ruled out any outside of school activities. I joined clubs and sports at school just so I'd actually get to see my friends. She condemned all relationships because she was so sure that all love was evil. All commitment was cruel. All happiness in someone else was foolish and childlike. She expected me to be like her, ruining a relationship like she did with my father. Forget James; she had him to keep up her "perfect family" image. Never for love.

    It was sickening, really. All love is cruel, huh? I always wondered how she felt about me, then. Did she love me? Or was she afraid she'd hurt me too?

    I hugged my legs to my chest and rested my chin on my knees as I sat under the shade of the tree, thoughts rushing through my head. For so long, my family had been something that I didn't look forward to going home to. Even my dad, who I had so many memories with, didn't seem like the perfect model now that I was old enough to see clearly. Reality hit me on the head like a brick. That's what reality is, I guess. It's a giant tidal wave that's not beautiful, but destructive.

As I sat under that tree, I thought of my relationships and tried to prove my mother wrong. Atticus did hurt me, but we were friends now. He made my friend, Lilee, happy too. He wouldn't have done that if he hadn't moved and didn't get the sports scholarship he earned from his basketball success in New York. I couldn't think of a time where Trent ever hurt me. Never had he left me. Sure, he and Prim sort of tore my heart apart when they admitted their sin to me with shameful eyes. But that's all it was, a mistake. Scarlett hurt me, but she taught both myself and Trent the importance of never leaving a friend behind.

    My dad left me, but if he didn't hurt me when I was younger, I never would've gotten two amazing step brothers like Cadden and Gabriel. And finally, my mother hurt me when she told me I was never going to be strong enough to change fate. I proved her wrong the moment I got the expectance letter into this college.

    I smiled to myself. She was wrong. Everyone had hurt me, but it shaped the person I am today into a stronger version of myself. I always hated when people said cheesy things like "you're hurting now but it'll help you in the long run." But it's honestly the most true sentence in the universe.

    If someone has hurt you, or reality gave you a slap on the face, there is a reason. There's a bigger plan. Down the road, you'll look at those people and laugh, realizing that you could've taken down your monsters in a single second if you had the chance as the person you grew to be. The thing that haunts you the most will bring you something that you'll love the most. It'll teach you how to handle your fears, not run from them.

    I got up from the ground and brushed myself off. I walked through the night and took the next step into my future.

    I've got a lot more courage with people throwing boulders at me, so throw them as hard as you can.

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A/N

Cheesy alert. Lol I could just write a whole book of motivational chapters for teenagers.

Comment, vote, and share because this is the second update this week!! :)

- Tessa <3