Am I supposed to let go?

The Secret

I walk fast with my pone in my hands. I hate being late.

Where are you? I type quickly as I look for him. A couple of hands grab my shoulders from behind me and make me turn around, scaring me.

-Calm down, Mik. I live to protect ladies in trouble that find themselves worried and alone in malls.

I roll my eyes in an effort to look angry.

-Boy, you scared me. Next time it would be better if you just answered my texts or say hi as normal people do, instead of acting like you are going to kidnap me.

Nick laughs, with that fresh and unworried laugh of those who have a little too much self-confidence and that I find so attractive.

-Hey, look, I'm sorry. Won't do it again, okay? – he grabs my arm -Let's go get a coffee, I'm thirsty.

We talk for a couple of hours and time just flies by. It's amazing how we can be so similar to other people. It is hard for me to think that six months ago, I didn't even know about Nick's existence, and now It's impossible to picture how my life would be if he was not in it. It's almost 8:30 when I tell him I got to go. He offers to walk me to my car, as always.

-Oh, guess what, a few days ago Charlie asked for you– he tells me while we go down the stairs. Charlie is another guy I met abroad, and he studies at the same high school as Nick. –He wants to see you.

-Oh! I would like to see him too, I miss him– I answer.

-We should all hang out someday. Anyway, we started to talk about you.- his attitude changes all of a sudden. He looks away from me while he nervously pulls down his shirt.

-Me?- I ask a little nervous, pushing him to go on.

-Yeah. It's just...- he can't stop playing with his shirt. -I'll go straight to the point, Mik. You should know that I had feelings for you back at France. No, let me finish. When we came back here, I thought we wouldn't talk anymore, I even thought we'd never meet again.- I can feel my face burning, and I wonder if can tell how fast I'm blushing. Is it possible that he knows that I felt something as well? I keep telling myself I don't feel any kind of attraction towards him, but with that serious look he seems to be about to tell me all these feelings have vanished, and I can feel a freezing sensation growing in my stomach. -But we came back here, and we started talking a lot more, even if it's just by texts and phone calls. I kept telling myself that we would eventually leave all this behind, but I fell for you even harder instead.

I get cold. That was definitively not what I was expecting.

-Nick...

-No, wait. I can't do this anymore, I have to let it out and tell you. You drive me crazy, Mikayla. I'm crazy for you and I'm tired of pretending I don't. And I know, I know you have a boyfriend. I know you love him and I know he loves you too, and I know that you won't end your year and a half relationship just to be with me, but I want you to know that I'll wait for you, because for me you are the perfect woman, and I want to be with you, so It's worth the wait.

I didn't know at what time we had gotten to the car. I was speechless and I was feeling a thousand different emotions at the same time. In the end I knew that Nick had a thing for me, but now that he had officially accepted it I feared for our friendship.

-I don't know what to say, Nick.

-I know.- he is worried too, I can see it in his dark eyes. -I didn't tell you that expecting an answer, actually I did it because I couldn't keep it to myself anymore.

A soft breeze messes up his hair, always so perfectly combed, and the shadow of his long lashes is projected on his cheeks. I feel the urge to hug him, but I control my impulse to avoid any misunderstanding.

-I'm with Sebastian now... I know you and I could make a great couple, but I can't suddenly break up with my boyfriend just because, Nick. I don't know for how long I'm gonna be with him. It can be two more months, or three years, but I'm afraid that at some point you're going to get tired of waiting. And even if you want me and I say that we might be something else than friends I can't promise it to you, and I can't ask you to wait for me either.

-No, Mikayla. You don't understand. I think you can't truly see how far my feelings for you go. I had never felt this for anybody before, and if I tell you I'll wait for you it's because I'm really willing to do it. Now you should go home, it's getting dark.

-Alright, but in the meanwhile we are friends, okay?

-Okay.- Nick smiles and hugs me. -Go. Please, let me know when you get home.

-Sure thing.- I quickly kiss his cheek. -Bye, Nick.

I hop on my car as Nick walks towards, the other side of the parking lot. I turn on the radio, Rascal Flatts' What hurts the most is on. I drive to my house, with the only company of confusion that, at the beat of the music, messes with my thoughts.