Dry Ice And The Monster

Monster

I really wish I knew better. Running away from your problems doesn't help your situation any better. It makes it worst and make you think about your problem 24/7 that it makes you uneasy. It makes you not to focus on anything until you face your problem.

But you know you can't. It's hard.

And I'm, ah. I'm never like this. You know? I'm supposed to be this fearless mafia nephew. But how can I be fearless if this problem is ruining me? How am I supposed to over come this?!

And since its getting worse and worse I'm- well? I'm worried.

I'm worried that this problem is going to be the end of me. Not the end of me, but the death of me . A weakness. And I hate having a weakness because it makes you vulnerable to your enemies. To me, a a weakness is just giving your enemies something to use against you. Technically, giving tools to end you.

And I don't want that. And I don't fucking know why this is making a big deal for me. This never happened to me and I-i don't know how to handle this. In school books, teachers in schools never teach you how to handle things situations before. They don't give you manual about the world and expects you to know the right answers. And sometimes I wish they do.

I never respected teachers, but if they actually teach you things that you actually need. I would respect them more. There technically preparing you for the past, and not the future.

I'm afraid.

And it's tearing me apart. And and and this problem is simple. I mean it is simple! But for me it's difficult! And if I tell someone they would think I'm getting soft or getting weak. And that's the point!

It's just. Ah! I'm angry for some reason. And you properly thing 'Yeah since your the nephew of the deadliest mafia you may always mad" but that's not it. I'm just mad and angry and I don't want to be! I don't want to be mad or angry. I want to be fucking normal!

Normal. Heh.

And this, this is happening because of one person. And I don't understand why? Why is it because of him?! This situation is making me confused.

I keep recalling that event in the elevator every fucking time. Over over and over. I'm 're living that event like a time loop and I just want to get out it.

I know I'm ranting, and I know I'm complaining, and I know no one fucking cares, and I know that no one knows what's happening and I know one would care about this.

And I'm used to this. And since I'm used to this, I don't why it always concerns to me still. Because it always there. It never goes away. And when this happens I need someone to be there for me. Someone to comfort for me and telling me that's it's ok. And this is a weird request from a member of Mafia but I really want that. I want someone to tell me it's-

"Ok" I whispered to myself as I slowly removed my hands away from my face. "I'm ok... your OK....you got this....*sigh*"

I began to sat up straight on my bed and began to stretch as I yawn. Thinking on why was I even thinking in my mind. I always thing I think nonsense. And this time, I actually think I am. But I know it isn't. It's something I have to faced.

Well more likely to talk to, since I haven't seen Quill in a week on my dramatic exit when I ran away like a little bitch I was. And I know I have to fixed that. I don't want Quill to think I was bitch running away from him. Ha.

Wait. Why do I care what he thinks about me. I mean. Why do I consider of seeing him?! He should come see me instead...

I began to ponder on that statement as I began to get up from my bed and began to fixed my bed. Yes I have servants and maids to do this for me, but I'm not a slob. I think I can fixed my bed without help. As I was done fixing my bed I began to get dressed still pondering on the statement.

But for me of not noticing I was out of my bedroom door and calling my usual driver and canceling my bodyguards not to come with me to my destination.

And when I walked inside the elevator door. I already got my answer.

But for me being a blockhead back then, I should've known that was a bad ideas. And if I knew before hand, I would've save me from a lot of pain that is going to hurt me. But even so, a lot of people would think it wouldn't hurt them. But for me, it was.