Always

Chapter 15

"Everything I do, I do it with a passion." I chanted along the music playing from my phone.

I opened the cleaning closet and took the brush with the long handle.

"If I gotta be a bitch, Imma be a bad one." I continued, slamming the door.

I starting making a pile on the floor of all the aspirin pills. "You never could say I'm back. All this shit I've been through and it made me more real than an assassin."

I threw them all in plastic bag that I laid on the floor. 

"I kill'em, I kill'em with compassion." Just as I put back the brush and closed the closet door, I heard someone applaud from behind me.

Surprised, I turned around so fast that my ponytail came to slap me in the face. I brushed out the pieces of hair and finally saw a smirking Jake leaning against the hallway's wall.

"The girl can sing." he teased.

"Don't you ever leave?" I sneered. He stepped forward, his eyes full of concern, as I turned my back to him and made my way to the bathroom.

I took my ponytail out and put my hair in a messy bun. I didn't have any energy left to brush my hair.

He leaned on the door frame, his arms crossed. "Did I miss something?"

I was trying to make up for the fact that he had seen me at my most vulnerable, I was embarassed by my actions of last night. Couldn't have I kept it together, at least for a few hours? I should've waited from him to leave, even if that meant that I had to kick him out the door.

I've gone used to screaming into my sheets at 2 AM, my mom's face plastered behind my eyelids. But the simple idea of crying in front of people terrorized me.  

It was my way of reacting, to be mean, to make unfair comments. I sighed and looked directly at him, " I'm sorry Jackso-"

He breathed and looked away. "Jake. Please."

I forrowed my eyebrows at his reaction. "Hum, okay. I'm sorry Jake." I said, tasting the sound of the nickname in my mouth. I liked it. "You just shouldn't have seen this."

"It's okay. I still owe you. I left you in the rain like that, I should've at least dropped you off." he apologized.

I walked past him and opened the wardrobe's door in the hallway. I wanted to get out of here in the less time possible. "You never have to say sorry to me again. I'll go out of my way to make sure you are." I cautioned, attempting to scare him.

I looked back into his broken eyes. He was hurt, I could see it. Jake wasn't throwing around apologies, he was truly and deeply sorry.

I cracked a smile. "Sorry," I chuckled, "that was a cruel joke."

He breathed out. "Bloody hell, Lexie, you're killing me."

I blushed at his words. "I just wanted to scare you." , I smiled sheepishly.

I looked back at the wardrobe. All the coats were my moms'. I couldn't wear them. Hell, I couldn't even bring myself to touch them. Her sent washed over me, and I stayed there, staring in the void.

I hadn't realised that Jake had walked over here, but I felt his hand over mine on the knob, closing the door.

"Lexie.", he said, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I refused to look at him in the eyes, too embarassed at my vulnerability. I couldn't keep it together for at least a day, couldn't I?

I went in the living room to grab my stuff, but my car keys were missing.

"Lexie!", Jackson shouted. I jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Geez, could you try not to scare me every second of my life." I rebuked. I walked back to face him.

"What did you try to do?", he said, gesturing to the plastic bag of pain pills on the floor.

My jaw slightly dropped. Fuck, I thought. I forgot to throw it out. I couldn't let him think is was suicidal. He probably already thought I was depressive, adding more on that wouldn't help my case.

I catched myself. "What do you mean? I had a headache, and the aspirin bottle wouldn't give up, and when it did, all of it fell on the floor."

His face flushed. "Oh," he finally exclaimed, clearing his throat.

"I thought it was something else for a second." he whispered to himself, obviously not wanting me to hear.

He picked up the plastic bag and tied a knot, closing it.

My eyes couldn't leave it. It's like he was destroying my chance to stop all this pain, to stop breathing all together.

He cleared his throat for the second time and grabbed my arm. "Come on." he said, walking me outside the building.

"Where are we going?" I asked carefully.

He gave me his black hoodie before stepping outside. "Here. I still owe you." he declared.

I reluctantly put the hoodie on and let him lead me, knowing I couldn't convince him otherwise.