I woke to the sound of thunder. It rumbled outside. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palm.
The memory of the dream surfaced in my head which made me feel heavy and dizzy. I had never had a dream before. I guess that is why it seemed so odd.
I combed my hair with my fingers as a bolt of lightning struck the sky, like claw marks created by a vicious feline.
I lie my head on my pillow. The storm showed multiple signs of gradually concluding: the rain fell light with the rumbles of thunder becoming an eventual blur in the distance.
My breathing eased and I soon became lost in a heavy daze.
If I were to return to sleep, would I continue to have these shitty nightmares with a storyline that is impossible? Then why did such a dream startle me? I fear I will never know.
So, I attempted anyway.
The sudden stream of darkness returned, with it's horrible deaths and mysterious beauties, none of which made any sense. I explored the dream from tip to toe, wandering within the dense jungle of pure madness.
I found myself in a empty room, shadows of people stained the walls although there was no one to cast them. Their dark silhouettes, ghostly-like. They were moving, slamming their fists and kicking their feet against whatever they were imprisoned within.
They appeared like criminals, desperate to leave their jail cells where the ground is permanently cold and the food is barely edible. Surrounding prison members would howl and scream to whoever may be listening, to let them wander unsupervised as they please.
Free.
However, it was useless, their sentence must first be fulfilled.
There was unsteady movement towards the far corner of the room. A dark figure attempted to hide itself in as little space as possible, allowing the surrounding darkness to keep it's unknown identity a secret. I observed the strange shape that was nothing more than a blur of a single shade in my vision, like a blank canvas, smeared with black ink. The shape consisted of a slightly curved back and fragile, almost limp limbs. The shape held each detailed feature of my grandma, and, as I crept closer, I could see that I was correct.
She eventually emerged from the dark, thick blanket that hid her from me, she appeared timid, afraid. Her eyes explored the surrounding room, at the multiple shadows cast upon its walls. She reacted like a curious child, like she was seeing the world with new eyes. Yet a smile didn't exist on her face.
Her eyes found mine and she held her stare, the stare night owls give when they find their prey scattering beneath them between lifeless, thick grass and dodging berry bushes. To escape death. I had never seen her like this. She appeared more timid and weak than ever. She looked small and tired like the darkness created invisible weights, strategically positioned all over her body, pulling her towards the earth. She dragged her feet beneath her, one after the other, stumbling at times as she tried desperately to recover, to prevent herself from collapsing to the floor.
She paused, her feet still with her expression plain, unreadable, however that had no effect on the trembling of her hands.
Instead, I tried to approach her, as she clearly lacked in energy and fire that once burned within her, that used to rage uncontrollably like a vicious creature destroying her internally, forever waiting to be released. But, my feet never moved an inch. They remained glued to the floor, frozen like my loved ones were in my past dream.
I looked down at my feet to see a thick, metal chain, the object that prevented my attempted movement. Metal cuffs wrapped around my ankles causing pain that prickled my skin. They caused multi-coloured bruising and various cuts that bled slightly. The chain was attached to the floor using various utensils that I am unaware of. Nuts, screws, bolts?
Soon my Grandma moved, slowly and steadily dropping to her knees, her hands clasped together behind her back. It appeared as though she was being held hostage, reacting as though she had a gun aimed at her head, threatening to take the life brewing from within her. She looked at me, her eyes pleading, but what for? How could I physically grant her wish in my current state anyway?
I had never been able to see her in me. The countless qualities I could see in her, I had never seen been able to see in myself, and I don't intent to. As a child, she had always been the type of person I can trust, love without a moments hesitation. But now, there is something about her. Something that I can not make sense of. It is almost as if something is caged inside of her that she will not allow to escape, and I'm not sure why. There is that uncertainty about her that makes me cautious around her, like she could shatter into pieces by moving one step in the wrong direction. And so, in time, as she has aged so has my love for her. It becomes more worn as each night passes by. But even though it's power will continue to weaken, it will forever be in existence.
