The Five Unnecessaries

Chapter 30

Collin was at the threshold when I woke up. He hadn't wanted to wake me. I wished he had; my nightmares might not have been as long or terrible.

He told me to continue to lie down and that I had to stay in bed for a day. My mind wanted to argue, but my body seemed glued to the bed in exhaustion. Collin grabbed a pillow and stayed at the threshold all day, unless my monitor beeped. They kept the IV in since I was still dehydrated. He came into my room a few times, kissed my hand, and walked out. It was the only thing that woke either of us from an almost fourteen-hour sleep.

When I woke up, Brie was there, asking to come in. I told her she could. She sat with me, but didn't mention Collin at all. Apparently, George had spoken to my parents and told them I was safe. Brie told me that she'd come up from Central to let me know Amanda was still here.

"Amanda?" I asked, curiously. Even though she'd always been nice, I'd never connected with her as a Protector.

Brie breathed a laugh. "Not that one. Someone called out that Protector-Amanda was alive and Collin was coming back with her. Your Unnecessary liked the name—said it was beautiful. So, now it's her name too. I've been hanging out with her since she trusted George so much. She's playing a game with George and Lydia, then coming to see you. They will put her with a family who lives near a forest, on the outskirts, so she'll be more comfortable. I overheard it was... the Walters?"

I smiled. "They would love her." I thought briefly of my mother's comments, realizing how far away she felt. "They have a boy, but my mom always said they wanted a girl. I think she's had three miscarriages. I always felt so bad for—" I cut myself off, remembering who I was talking to.

"It's okay, Aislyn. Pain is pain. I don't believe that mine is any worse than hers. Don't place more tragedy on me today. I can barely stand it anymore. I'm sad she lost so much and happy for her today...That's how I feel for you, too."

Then there was nothing to talk about, a million words to say but no way to say them.

"What day is it?" I asked.

"I woke up thinking it's a Sunday," Brie sighed, "but it's Tuesday. The memorial is tomorrow. Last day of spring."

"It's Rosemary Day tomorrow?"

"I'll call Liam when you feel better to order your flowers. They take care of all of that for us, you know. I had to get like a hundred white carnations, and they got a ton for the ceremony and... white roses for the parents, you know?"

She lost herself in the middle distance, then smiled. Amanda came in to my Circle, looking around in awe.

I smiled, faking joy for a moment. George and Lydia waited with what I guessed was a counselor. Amanda ran into my arms, light as a feather, it seemed. Her brown hair had turned a little golden, probably from being washed. She thanked me a hundred times, each one making it harder not to cry.

I did anyway. She pulled out of the hug, catching a tear on her finger.

"Sorry," I said. "I'm so happy for you. We all are."

"But that's not why everyone's crying, is it?" Her innocent gaze fell on my tears, wiping another one away. She felt connected, sorrowful, and from the gloom in her eye, guilty.

"They died, didn't they?" she asked. "The ones that aren't in the Circles. They won't tell me, because they're afraid."

I tried to spare what innocence was left. "Yes, they died. They had a choice. They took it. They'd always choose you. And so would I."

She looked at me tentatively. "But none of us are worth that."

I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I'd summoned the confidence I needed.