Crossroads | ✓

t w e n t y

Song attached: I don't wanna live forever by Zayn ft. Taylor Swift (the starting part <3)

Warning: Really bad writing and zero humour up ahead.
(I really need to get back on track. It's getting more and more tough to be in Varun's head with each passing day.)

t w e n t y

[ k e e p  y o u r  c o o l ]

The gravel crunched beneath my foot as I walked from the parking lot towards the rehab, a bouquet of white roses in my hand. I didn't even know if Kiranya's mother liked roses but since my parents insisted, I went with it.

Ever since her birthday, Kiranya and I hadn't been the same. It got awkward because every time I looked at her face, my embarrassing confession flashed before my eyes. And though each time I wished for the ground to open up and swallow me whole, she remained as expressionless as before. And it hurt bad. Like, really bad.

The receptionist recognised me and gestured me to move on after pointing the clock to me, reminding the visiting hours. I flashed her a smile before walking down the corridor.

After my initial visit, I had visited Kiranya's mother two more times. During the two times, nothing in the rehab looked different. From the paint to the garden on the other side of the corridor, everything was the same. Some times, it made me wonder how it would feel to be locked inside four walls with the only sanctuary, a garden which always looked the same. Almost like a fake, plastic one.

When I reached a familiar door, I knocked hesitantly. This was the first time I came here alone, without Kiranya accompanying me. Facing Kiranya's mother was torture, to put it bluntly, but when I see the sparkle lighting her dull eyes when she sees me, the ache turns to comfort. At least, I can contribute this way.

No reply came and after calling out that I'm entering, I walked in.

Kiranya's mother was alone (unsurprisingly). She was facing the wall, her hunched back making her look more vulnerable. The curiosity to know what happened peaked inside my mind though I tried to trample it.

It was true that things, both happy and awkward, kept me preoccupied. But Kiranya's dysfunctional family kept nagging me in the back of my mind and now that Kiranya is full-on ignoring me, the nagging became the only main thought.

"Auntie..?" I called out. She didn't turn so I decided to walk around her.

Let me tell you guys something.

I'm the kind of person who petrifies when I'm faced by people who are crying. Whether it's a girl or boy. So you get the gist, right? Yeah, because right now, Kiranya's mother was crying. And no, not the 'silent tears to flow down you cheeks' crying. It was more on the 'hiccuping, lumpy throat, red as blood eyes, snot running' crying. You know, the kind that puts even therapists at unease.

So you pretty much guessed my position seeing that. If I had a mirror, I'm sure my face would have 'HORROR. SOS. HELP. BEEP. BEEP.' written across in bold plus italics and even underlined.

"Auntie.."

This time my voice had broken. I didn't sound much better than her.

She turned towards me, slowly and images of the Japanese widow ghosts clouded my vision again. But everything cleared up when her brown eyes bore into mine. There wasn't regret or pain there. There was just hopelessness in there. Filled to the brink, overflowing, demanding.

Choking her.

Choking me.

"I am getting better," she spat out and I took a step back.

She turned around, flexing her body my way and the way she did that effortlessly petrified me further. Because she wasn't meant to move her muscles effortlessly. Flawlessly. Yes. She is getting better.

Her eyes bore into mine and suddenly, I understood where Kiranya got her fierce eyes from. Oh great. Stoicism from father. Ferocity from mother. And here I was. Lame as ever. Great. Just great.

"Say, Varun," she said and my body froze. She has never addressed me directly. Never. Her brown eyes had a cold fire I didn't know existed within her. Not now. Not eleven and a half years back.

Maybe I shouldn't have come to visit her today.

Gripping the bleak sheets of her hospital bed, she said, "Every time I say I'm okay, all those lab coat technicians say getting agitated is another 'symptom.' Well guess what, Varun? These walls would make a mosquito feel claustrophobic and any sane man insane. It makes me feel miserable when I get electrodes get stuck to my head or some drug which I can't even pronounce administered to me!

"It was true I've had darker times. And it was true that being here brought me back. But now, I just want to go back. Go home and be a mother to my daughter. And a wife—" her voice choked and tears welled up in her eyes "— to my husband."

And being absolutely great under pressured situations, I said: "Oh, okay."

And then, I did the best thing anyone could to do a person who is pouring their heart out.

Dropping the bouquet of roses on her bed, I rushed out before I could control my limbs.

Let me go fry myself in Luci's frying pot and die.

~✩~✩✩~✩~

Felt like we've had our fair share of light chapters and wanted to get back into the actual plot.

And I failed miserably but still...

I'm craving constructive criticism *sighs*

And oh, I've entered Booktrovert to the Butterfly Effects Awards! Since they judge by quality and not votes, wish me luck :)