OUTSIDE - a post-apocalyptic novel

Chapter Five

Chapter Five - Riley

It’s high summer and the days are long, shimmering and surreal. Pa throws himself into his work. He divides his time between the beach hut areas, where he negotiates hard for his goods, his underground storehouses and Hook Island. He has hundreds of employees on his payroll - from pirates and drug-dealers to little kids running harmless errands.

He’s always been a workaholic, but this feels different. He’s harder, tougher. A brittle veneer covers his features and you wouldn’t want to break through it, for fear that what lies underneath wouldn’t survive the exposure and would simply evaporate.

Ma, on the other hand, is disintegrating. She’s got no armour; her pain is on show for everyone to see. She blames herself for not keeping a closer eye on us girls and says it’s all her fault. Pa keeps getting cross with her and then he relents and comforts her. But mainly he just stays away from home.

Tonight, as I lie in bed unable to sleep, I hear them arguing about the empty bottles. Ma has drunk the place desert-dry. Their bedroom is down the hall from mine and, after opening my bedroom door a fraction, I hear snatches of their voices.

‘It’s impossible,’ Pa says. ‘No one could possibly have put that much alcohol away. You should be dead.’ He doesn’t sound angry, just incredulous.

‘I wish I was dead,’ she slurs. Then she laughs.

‘Stop it. You’re really worrying me. You need help.’

I hear her say something else, but I can’t make out the words.

‘No!’ Pa shouts. ‘Absolutely not!’

My heart speeds up and a hot flush sweeps across my scalp. Please God, I think, stop them arguing. Please let them be normal. But my prayers aren’t answered.

‘If you think I’m getting you anymore alcohol, you’re mad!’ Pa continues. ‘What? So you can drink yourself to death. What about Riley? Have you forgotten you’ve got another daughter?’

I close my bedroom door in fright as a crashing noise rushes down the hall towards me. Ma must’ve thrown something. I can hear her angry screams. The bass notes of Pa’s voice soothe her shrill hysterics and gradually her screams subside.

I stand with my back to my bedroom door, out of breath as though I’ve been running hard. I hear it all, listening with horrified fascination. Skye has gone, my father is an emotional void and my mother is a drunken mess. Another smash, another shriek, another shout. I have to get out of here.

I don’t want to go out in just my t shirt, so I pull on a pair of denim cut offs, tiptoe into the hall and creep down the stairs. I unchain the front door, unlock it and stumble outside into the warm night air. The panic subsides a little and I breathe in deeply through my nose. My world has sunk into an abyss from which I can’t imagine ever escaping. Nothing is solid or sure anymore. Life has become a shifting swamp of monsters and nightmares and I want to wake up.

I find myself in Luc’s driveway - I’ve wandered next door. Knowing his parents are still away, I ring the doorbell and wait. After a minute I see the hall light come on and the outline of a person. Normally I would never ring someone’s doorbell in the middle of the night - that was Skye’s territory. But there’s nothing normal about my life anymore.

‘Riley?’ Luc says through a yawn. ‘You okay?’

I shake my head.

‘What is it?’

I shake my head again, suddenly overcome with the urge to cry.

‘Come in,’ he says, concerned.