My type of art

Christmas switch off

It's the most wonderful time of the year,
yet my sadness comes in layers.

I'm surrounded by people who say they want to see me happy ,but no one Is willing to work for it. To help me. No one sees how I feel.

Its just a matter of priorities ,I figured out.

My family can't and will never understand me. The only thing that we have is common is the blood that runs through our veins. But I don't expect more from them. I didn't choose my family.
I chose my friends.

And..
I am disappointed with myself. How could I choose so badly?? Not all people are like this.

Everyone is so busy dealing with their problems. Why would they even care about mine?

How could have I been so blind?

"You don't need friends. Friends hurt you. They act like they love you but afterwards stab you behind your back. If you don't want to be in pain then work your way through success. Through life. " I lately find myself saying.
But sometimes you just stop. And think.
Is this happiness?
Because if it is then I don't want to know what sadness must be like.

I have no one to talk to about these stuff.
How could I? People misunderstand and most of the time don't understand. I don't want to completely lose the people that are close to me by these hard words of truth.
They have already lost me. None of these live in my heart anymore.

But they don't need to know.
I can act. They are the ones who taught me that, after all. Thay taught me to act my presence, my feelings, my life. My life is a theatre. The stage is full of people but the audience is empty.
Why would anyone watch such a play? She is not appealing... She has to change..

They can have my body.
My words and my actions. But they will never have my brain.
They will never have my true soul and thoughts.
But most of all,

they will never have my heart.