Well...my life.

FUCK

I dumped my girlfriend because I loved her....  Isn’t that confusing as fuck? I'm a wreck. I broke up with her because I knew I would end up hurting her. I'm trying to get her to date my best friend but it's not working out to well. I'm just not a good person and I hurt everyone I get to know.  To be honest I didn't have the same feelings about her by the time I broke up with her...  But it still hurt.

I love a different girl... Yes..  Love! Alot! She's...  Idk she was surprised to find this out even tho I flirted with her for awhile.  She's just so nice to me and always there, i just don't know what I did to deserve her. She says she's scared of getting hurt I said I won't hurt her but I'm afraid I might because I always fuck everything up. Ugh. I'm cutting still. I wanted to run away from my house today I almost did I knew exactly what I would bring.  I had it mapped out in my head.  Maybe I could live with the girl I like....  No..  I have the impression her dad hates me.. Relatives?...  No they live in a different province. Ugh. I only have 1 option..  Death.  I guess I will get to see if God is real or not...  If he isn't..  Then idc atleast I won't have to live with my pathetic self anymore.

Fuck, if the girl I love reads thus she will get mad about that last part... Why tf do I even put this shit on the internet? Fml. She says she loves me back...  But idk why. I'm an insecure, suicidal, pathetic, schizophrenic piece of shit. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve anything I have. I deserve death. I'm to much of a burden to everyone I know. Fuck.