Dark Thoughts

Garden of Doubt

I don't know up from down anymore
I'm stuck in a black room running in a circle with self destruction pulling me back as I scream and claw my way forward trying to find an out that doesn't exists
I can't see anything
I can't hear anything
It's all in my head.
This psychotic loop begins with a single grain of doubt
That grain works it's way down into my head
That grain is now a seed and it's been planted inside my mind.
The seed of doubt now grows its roots strong and deep.
The seed continues to grow
It branches out with leaves
Each one a new worry or paranoia.
This seed continues to grow almost as if a weed.
It grows and grows until it reaches the corners of my mind.
This weed and it's self destructive personality has poisoned me.
I'll begin to panic
My stomach in my throat,
My heart racing an invisible track
My head will pound and I'll feel dizzy
It'll soon begin to be hard to breath.
Eventually I'm crying until someone finds me and tells me I'm ok.
They come in with pruning shears and trim that weed away.
They make me feel ok for a little while.
But because those roots of doubt were so deep,
There's no way to ever get them out.
They're stuck inside my head.
Like all horrible weeds, if the roots stay the plant will stay,
And so the whole process starts over.
This never ending loop of madness.
The dark garden that my head has become,
Filled with nothing but those of the worst kind.
Poisoned and ruined by that one little weed who decided to grow.