Rants

New Years

     I'm sort of just laying down in a dark room alone and stuff right now so I decided to make this to get some stuff off my chest about this past year. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything honestly I don't even care if anyone reads these I'm just bored and slightly depressed so here it goes.
     This whole year started out kind of rough, I had a major anxiety attack and started sobbing and almost killed myself. My depression had just gotten ten times worse that night for some reason and my mom found out about it and the next thing I know she's screaming at me for being selfish. Saying people have it worse than me and I have no right to be sad which is obviously true so it made me feel worse.
     Especially  when she took my phone away as punishment for being sad and screamed at my father when he got to the house to pick me up about it being my fault. I felt completely dead inside that night. My dad had a talk with me but I didn't really respond much because I felt like if I said one more word I would burst out sobbing.
     The next day my friends got worried because I wasn't responding to them because my mom had stole my phone. They didn't know that though and thought I had really committed suicide. My one friend had a panic attack and drove to my house with her parents in tears leaving message after message on my phone to please pick up. My mom cleared the whole thing up and I ended up getting medication for my anxiety and depression.
     After that the year got really good and I got into my first relationship, I was really happy. Of course that didn't work out and we ended up breaking up. I don't blame the person for it of course because it was really neither of our faults and we are just teens after all and who can expect us to make adult decisions? Nether less it made me incredibly depressed for weeks and each week something else bad happened it seemed.
     My dog died after being ran over and she was one of the few things that kept me happy. Then my grandpa died from a heart disease. My dad and mom both got a divorce with my step parents and my dad instantly got married again to a new person. My mom is having serious relationship guilt and is trying to get more money from my dad for child support and he can barely afford to feed himself because my step mom is taking everything she can from him as revenge for breaking her heart.
     Also, all my friends I have are falling apart from each other and honestly I don't know what to do. Everything is just falling apart it seems. Worst of all I feel like they're pulling me all over trying to get me to pick a side and I ended up having another breakdown.
     I stared sobbing again but this time I  broke down uncontrollably laughing as well. I laughed so hard that I dug my nails into my back until I broke skin and it stated bleeding. Now here I am once again laying in the dark alone waiting for another new year to come. So yeah I guess that's done now. Maybe I'll put another rant up soon idk. I'll probably just end up deleting this to be honest. Anyway bye.