Sacrifice or Suicide

The Beginning

Lana

There was a rattling noise. The old car in front of my bus started to move slowly. The green light has been on for about five minutes. It's as if everyone around me is trying to make me change my mind. There is an annoying kid who dropped ice cream on the floor of my bus. I'm just the driver, but it's still my responsibility to clean the ice cream. Do I really want to spend the last couple minutes of my life around such a disgusting brat? Yes. I have to. This is my last chance. I never liked kids, but I have a teenager of my own so what difference would it make if I am around one.

I've spent night after night thinking about what Anna would think. I never liked her, and she never liked me so I guess my death would be pretty convenient for both of us. But she would still have to put on the act. She would have to pretend like she's mourning for months. If there is one thing I know about Anna, it's that she hates pity.

When Anna was three, I got into a car accident. It didn't make any sense at first. Anna was so secure in her car seat. The doctor said it was shock that paralyzed her. It was too much trauma for a three-year-old to go through. That was the first time I felt like killing myself. I should've died. I would've died if I didn't get to the hospital as fast as I did.

After that my whole life started to fall apart. Mark and I got a divorce. I lost my job because I didn't work for months after the accident. I tried to kill myself a month after that. I jumped off the edge of my roof, but I barely broke my arm. I lied and said that I fell while shutting the window.

Call me a coward, but I am done with life. I took a right and drove off the bridge I was on and into the ocean below.

Rachel

There is a rattling noise. The train is coming closer. I am ice cold. I can feel the imprint the train tracks have left on my cheek. I have been on the tracks for hours. I don't have to worry because no one is waiting for me. No one will grieve my death. What a waste of life! I am nothing but a bag of flesh and bones.

I can see a campfire miles away. I can hear Jessie's favorite song playing on the campers' radio. I listen to it for a couple of minutes. I can't take it. Memories come flooding back to me. I remember the time Jessie spilled hot chocolate all over the sofa. I didn't send her to three birthday parties as a punishment. I didn't have to punish her. I just got to save money by not buying three birthday gifts. That was a dream come true for me in those days. I am not saying that I have changed. To be honest, I haven't gotten any better, but going back to Jessie makes me feel like a hero.

I remember the day Jessie was diagnosed with Stage Four brain cancer. I was so selfish that I blamed her for it. Jason covered most of the costs for her treatment, but it was still extra bills for me to pay. I hated the fact that Jason was her favorite daddy because he bought her everything she wanted. I hated the fact that Jessie detested me for divorcing him. I hated the fact that nobody appreciated me! Now I know that answer. Ironically, the answer is a question. Why should anyone appreciate me?

A week ago I woke up and found Jessie still sleeping. I let her sleep in, only to realize that she was not sleeping. She was dead. I have made excuses my whole life, but there is no excuse now. I am ready to say sorry for hating her because now I know how empty my life is without her.

The train is an inch away from me. I close my eyes.

Lana

You remember when I said that it seemed like everyone around me is trying to make me change my mind. Now I know why. God was trying to tell me that today wasn't my day, but I questioned my faith. My determination clouded my mind! God's actions have shown me that I am one of the chosen ones to start a new world. Because I didn't trust my protector, I will be left to rot in prison while the other chosen ones will be saved from the apocalypse. All the evil in this world will burn in Hell's fire while us chosen ones will survive. I am one of the evil now. I have starved myself for days, yet God doesn't show me any mercy. I feel as if I have to make decisions on my own. God isn't there to guide me anymore.