A Faint Memory
A lush-green scenery, verdant and neatly mowed grass, but dreadly empty— A vibrant light, dazzling, and magnificiently vibrant; so bright that unseeable— And finally an Angel, standing before his very sight; trying to trasmit a message to him; not to give up, and to keep hoping for his dreams, his ideals.
It didn't provide any more hints, streaming away and slowly disappeared far into gleamy horizons. He would extend his hand, screeching at it, running rapidly after it.
"Didn't you say that I should keep hoping? and yet you are going away..."
He wanted to express his thoughts, he wanted to shout at it, to scream his inners out, and yet his voice would not rise. He would try again, struggle, but still the result would be the same. It was suffocating him beyond words.
"Don't worry Gray, you will surely find it " The voice echoed, losing it's form slowly as it repeated itself over and over. "Surely—" With an burst, it vanished.
"Don't!"
/x\\
"Ha—!"
The ice maker yelped, jolting one of his free arm in empty air, as if trying to grasp something. Driblets of cold sweat dropping hastily, as he canvassed his face.
The dream, it was not his first experience at it. He had been having it for a long time now, he had lost count of the days— it had drove him insane. At first, it seems like a torch of aspiration, a minaret; but then it would show it's too colors in the form of a dark house, snatching away his hopes and turning them into nothing, but pesky, dry leaves; rendering him dazed.
He quickly moved to the side, grabbing the water jug, and pouring some of it into a glass which was placed near it. He gulped down a large amount without even breathing once. Lowering it, he inhaled some air at a fast pace. He refilled it once again, and drank all of it in an attempt to calm himself down. Placing it back on the wooden side-table, his mind went into a deep slumber; a sea of thoughts, as he tossed himself back onto the bed.
There was another situation which seemed to have too much common in with his dream, that would be— his relationship with the celestial spirit mage. In both of these situations, things weren't go the way he wants, no matter how much he struggled. Occasionally, he would find himself thinking over a strange fact —The angel in his dreams, and the blonde were similar. Both were warm, bright, cozy. Just by being near him, he would feel at ease, and all of his worries would run away from him, but just when he would start feeling comfortable, they would disappear, without his permission, without hearing his opinion,it's like his existence, his opinion was meaningless to them. No matter how much he would protest against it, his voice wouldn't reach them, and then the next thing, he would find himself doing was facepalming.
He shook his minds, negating the thoughts, he was getting late for the guild and he had to get dressed soon. He jumped in the bathroom, got fresh, taking a cold bath. Putting on a white shirt and green pants over his bare body (He was sleeping in his boxers only), his mind was still somewhere else as his eyes had a visible sadness in them. Recollecting some old memories, which weren't all that pleasant but not overly sad either. It was just that... he wasn't the centre of subject.
Flashback
As the ice maker entered the guild, a place which was no less than his own home; — he answered energetic greets with a grin over his face. His happiness was crossing cloud-9 today, why would it not? Afterall, recently he was getting along well with the female mage who had captured his heart with her innocent and yet not-so-innocent, cheerful personality, and hence was too damn happy. Eyes roaming across t to find the familar features, and just before he could, she noticed him instead. She waved her hand, gesturing him towards her. Smirking unconsciously at the action which seemed too sweet to him, he took quick steps, and stopped right before her.
"Sup Luce." He greeted, smug look on his face.
"Hey— Uh, what's with that look." Her expression turned into a displeased one, as she narrowed her eyes slightly.
"This, don't let it bother you. I am just... happy" He answered in a mysterious tone, plopping down on a seat.
"Wha— are you hiding something?" She leaned in to take a closer look, so that her face was inches away.
For a moment, a slight blush crept over his face, for a moment, he felt like it was a perfect kiss moment, but thankfully (or maybe not) she arched away or who knows what might have occured.
He and his dangerous thoughts.
"Nothing. Look t-there, that ash-brain is fighting again, how stupid." He pointed awkwardly, trying to change the subject.
"Hmm, suspicous... Don't tell me, you have found a girl you like?" She questioned, rolling her eyes and a "Did-I-hit-the-mark?" written clear over her face, as she basically ignored everything he had said.
Glancing away, surprised at the accuracy of the stellar spirit mage, and just how badly he had failed, he scratched his cheek. He tried to avoid her, he really was but the stars in hers kept getting bigger and bigger. It would be such a shame to— He sighed relentlessly.
"W-well... sort of." He revealed, giving up to her persuance. Saying this much wouldn't end up too bad.
"That's... great! Why didn't you tell me earlier? Who is it? Is it Juvia, she has loved you for a long time, so it will make sense. Hmm, but then again, you dislike her stalkish attitude, so it might be some other. Who—" She went on, making several poses, each filled with excitement and thrill. He thought she was too adorable.
"You never asked. Hmm, I wonder. It's not Juvia, the reason you said yourself—" Trying to speak as fast as her, he did his best to keep up with her, gasping massively.
"Hmm, makes sense. Then who is she? Tell me her name or anything? Hints, hints—"
A steam of nonstops questions, was being bowled at him. Was this really Lucy? He had never seen her this excited, well apart from the time when they had to recieve money for their mission. Nonetheless, He was finding a vein popping up, not sure if from embarrassment or plain anger.
"Argh! I can't answer at this speed. What are you— A radio?" He jawdropped, turning off the curiosity bulb.
"Ah..."
"Sorry, it's just that I got a bit too excited. Because, it's about you, I never thought you will find someone..." She stated nervously, trying to incline two fingers.
"Pfft..."
She was too cute and yet, she didn't know. He cracked up, and she pouted, looking away.
Just when he had started to feel sorry, just when he was going to properly tell her everything, just when he was going to make a move, the worst had to happen — Levy had to arrive, bearing a giggle on her face, which seemed too silly to him at that time. He looked away, pissed off at the random entry. Then his ears perked up some noteworthy details, something which pierced right through his heart, and he felt himself ignored, dejected, depressed.
"Nee Lucy, is it true, you visited Natsu's apartment yesterday?" Levy whispered, blowing in the blonde's ear.
The blush he saw, the redness which he he could never feel around him. And then she slowly nodded, still stiffened, and his world almost destroyed.
"Kya! So romantic! What did you two do, don't tell me— " She sneered, embracing her best friend from behind.
The reply, what would be her reply? He immediately checked out her face, even when he didn't want to. He didn't want to lose hope yet, he didn't want it to end here.
"Please Lucy, say something, anything!" His dark blue orbs were examining her constantly, as he found the air get thin, time turn silent, and motionless.
"It's not like t-that at all!"
"Huh?" His expressions turned a tad gentler, and more as she explained herself more, his rapid heartbeats turned relatively normal to hear the response.
"I was just there to clean! I wanted to humiliate him, or even surprise him. You know, he is always visiting my apartment without my permission, that's why!" She replied at a speed faster than light.
"What's that, boooring~" Levy pouted, tilting her head.
"So glad... I am so glad..So so...thankful!"
"L-levy!" Lucy screamed, and grabbed her from neck, the pouts turned into protests as she tried to get out of her grip. The best friends begin to laugh together, giggling in each other's arms.
He can still remember the perfect laugh, the sweet, strawberry-like voice — Just like honey, melting him to the core. Something which still echoes in his mind, relieving him of all of his troubles, worries and stress, just by a mere smile. And just how much he is grateful about the outcome, she can't guess, she will never be able to...
Even if it hurts, enough that he clenched the burning chest, when he examines the bitter trtuh, that she is close enough to the fire-freak to visit his apartment, and not his — It's still better than nothing...
x
He tied the laces of his shoes, the incohorent ideas and thoughts still wandering around. Turning the knob of the front door, passing throught it, he locked it properly after inserting the key in it. As he took out the metallic shape, he started walking down the short path, which leading to the guild. Hands in the warms pockets, his mind was still else where — This time, about a better and somewhat happier recollection.
/x\\
As he had taken a empty seat near the counter, waiting for his turn as he glanced at the busy silver-haired mage, bored. The barmaid was always reliable, and he could always depend on her. His trust on her was strong enough that he even told her about his burning passion towards the blonde. Then she got into her matchmaker mood, and all hell broke lose. How much he regrets it, but that's for another time.
Currently, his eyes were fixated at the blonde beauty and the hair, which were being swayed by a gentle current of wind. Head dropped down, he was examining her intently, and listening to her gentle voice, getting closer, closer, closer—
"Huge—"He muttered, a visible roundness shotting his sleepy eyes wide open.
"L-lucy!" He stuttered, wide awake now as he sit aback, back straight a a ruler.
"Do I look like someone else?" She remarked sarcastically.
"No, it's just that—" He protested, until his eyes wandered towards her chest. "So, It really was you..."
"You are behaving weirdly..." She narrowed her eyes.
"N-no, I am perfectly fine... How come you are here?" He changed the topic, no way he could tell that just what he was staring a minute ago.
"So I can't even talk with you now... I thought, you looked out of company, but... looks like, I am not needed—" She mumbled, standing up.
"No, I want to!" He muttered quickly, grasping her by wrist. He was happy, that she could see through his loneliness. How much he want to talk with her, but hesitated because he might come off weird that way.
She monitored his body language, and after a bit of making sure, sat back; a bit satisfied but not entirely.
There was an awkward silence, as no one could bring a topic up. One was being too grumpy, other was being too happy.
He glanced the sideways at the barmaid, who was free now. He stared at her with a meaningful look, like he was demanding something. The take over mage got the message instantly, "One ice soda, right?" She beamed back, without uttering a single word and he nodded, because that's just what he needed.
"What's that, telepathy?" Lucy asked with curiosity, her voice coming out of nowhere.
"Ah, it's just a... sort of connection we developed over years." He stated awkwardly, and grabbed the soda which the barmaid had just brought near him, smiling gently. He returned the smile with a simple leer, gratified look on her face, and she fled away, shaking her hand at them.
"Childhood friends sure are amazing..." She stated, admiring the sight, she had just witnessed. A slight hint of loneliness in her eyes could now, which looked hollow, and empty now. For a moment he felt, he saw a tear, a drop of salty water and it stinged his heart.
"Lucy, someday, you too... will be able to do it with others... People here are your friends, right? It's just a matter of time." He comforted her, catching the sadness which she thought, was hiding well.
"Eh?"
"Besides you have Natsu, Erza, Wendy there for you." He stated confidently. "Ofcourse me too..." His voice trailing off at
"W-why are you saying that?" Lucy stammered, amazed at his comments.
"I know you this much... Just what do you take me for?" He snickered, patting her head.
"Gray..."
She felt the world blooming around her. More like, it had already bloomed a long time ago; the moment she entered the guild was a start of her new life. Still somewhere in heart, there was this bad feeling that her new life is much rosier and beautiful as compared to the dullness of the previous one, but still there were thorns in it. The bond between the guild members was too strong, too deep, as compared to the one she shared with them. But now, with his sweetness, his understanding, she could feel the thorns of the roses disappearing slowly. The world was opening up around her, more vibrantly, more beautifully, more amazingly than it had ever.
"I...never knew that you... you know me this well.." She whispered, her bangs covering half of her face, so he couldn't see what kind of expression was she bearing right now.
"Now you do..." He replied with same intensity, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder; startling her.
"S-sorry..." A few tears rolled down, as her body moved towards him automatically, enveloping him into a tender hug.
"Don't be..."
That day, she cried; cried as he hugged her carefully and tightly. The feeling, that he got from the touch, the contact; he wanted to freeze time and treasure the moment forever. But all pleasant moments, have to come to the end...
x
His feet halted, the faroff image of guild now could be seen even with a naked eye. He clamped his shaking fingers into a fist, as he remembered another memory, which seemed a bit silly at it's best, and did nothing other than making him even more confused than he already was.
/x\\
Team Natsu had raided Lucy's apartment, and being a part of it, he had to as well. He didn't necessarily dislike it, because that he could see her in pajamas, and that was a big plus on it's own. He could also read her unfinished novel, just to see the interesting reactions and to be yelled at. He still felt bad for her privacy, she needed some more of that, but then again, with team members like that, a thing like privacy means nothing.
The raid turned into a sleepover, who decided it — Erza! And Lucy just had to accept it. He can still remember the priceless reaction on her face, as she got shot a scary glare by titania when she first disapproved it.
So, after a day filled with fun, enjoyment and not to mention, a classic pillow fight; sleep time was here! The boys were sleeping on floor, while the girls got the fluffy, stoff bed. He didn't mind it at all. But still dirty ideas aside, it's another thing that he wanted to sleep with her instead of Erza and Wendy.
Not long before, Natsu was snoring loudly, disturbing his sleep. How much he wanted to punch him! Just when he was going to, the girls got into action as he heard them whispering carefully.
"This is, without a doubt, the rumoured girl's talk!"
His ears were perked up for any handy detail, like 3-sizes — Expectations aside, he was currently pretending to sleep, like a man!
"Mm sure, I will bring some dirty books for you~" Lucy remarked teasingly, loud enough and hence he heard the first statement of the girl's talk.
"Dirty b-books?" He was already sweating badly, this wasn't going to end well.
"D-don't even mentioned that...That Levy!" Erza stammered, blaming the blunette who had told the blonde about this top secret of her.
"So E-erza has that kind of taste? That's so... like her..."
"Erza, you are so cute, Jellal would say so~" Lucy's teasing remarks were not gonna end.
"Now Jellal jumped in. This talk is a dangerous thing!"
"Lucy q-quiet, Wendy is sleeping!" Erza tried to change the topic.
"Thanks God, otherwise Wendy's innocence would have been gone long time ago..."
"Eh? I am already quite enough." Lucy whispered.
"Hmm... What about you Lucy? Is there someone for you...?" Erza raised an eyebrow, successfully diverting the attention from her.
A question could be so breathtaking, he could never guess. He had to pretend and focus and yet, the cruciality of the question was so much that he was losing it all.
"O-of-course n-not, I d-don't h-have e-eyes on any g-guy!" She tried to act, but failed gloriously.
"So Lucy has someone she likes..." This night wasn't gonna good for him, he was sure!
"Hmm, too naive." Erza grimaced.
"...Erza!" She yelled.
"Is it one of these two?" Erza asked, pointing towards a soundly asleep flame breather, and a pro-acter, who was, as usual, shirtless.
"No more Erza. stop, I don't wanna hear!" He mentally screamed.
"..."
"Spit it Lucy..."
"W-why s-should I?"
He could feel the blonde's gaze fixated at either of them, he wasn't sure at which, he know one thing — The pressure was killing him!
"Hmm, as I thought." Erza sneered.
"What? You know? Then tell? On second thought, I don't wanna, but I do— Argh!"
"Let's d-drop this topic please..." Lucy requested desparetely.
"Lucy, I wont talk anymore but I think, you should confess... I am advicing you both as a sister and a friend." Erza said gently.
"I know...but I d-don't know how to..." The blonde rolled her eyes, which were getting moist and wet. Erza lightly grabbed the blonde's hand, startling her.
"Be natural, that's the key." Erza smiled, squeezing her hand.
"Erza..." Lucy's voice had a certain depth to it, as if she surprised by the redhead's golden words.
"Let's go to sleep now, it's getting late..." Erza uttered, snuggling close to the air mage, squeezed in between them, and had thankfully, not woke up.
"Mm... Thanks for everything..." Lucy replied, cuddling from the opposite side.
"Not a big deal..." Erza stated, and so the conversation ended.
In the end, the ice maker could not reach any conclusion. Even Erza had gotten whoever was the blonde's fated man, and yet he hadn't. He only knew it was among him and the pinkette rival of his, and yet, still it didn't make things any easier. He had seen how she behaved around the dragon slayer, and it had always made him jealous. A part of him was screaming that he has no chance, and he should just give. Then there was another him, advicing him to cling onto the tiniest bit of hope, never giving up till the very end.
He couldn't choose, his eyelids felt heavy, and without realizing when, he travelled to merryland of dreams on his own.
x
He had reached near the wide entrance; the place called "Fairy Tail". Looking back into the past, that's where he met her. Even that memory still seems fresh, he clearly remembers regardless of the fact, how long has it been.
"Memories huh...Whether happy, sad or plain silly, they are always about her..."
The sigh was replaced by a slight chuckle, as the earsplitting noise reached his ears. He entered inside, rushed into a white background; having bits of colors at place: Red, orange, blue; the spots which she had painted with her own lovely hands, but still most of it was pitch black: pains, wounds, feelings.
"And yet, she doesn't know..."
.
.
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