Anywhere But Here

Chapter Twenty-nine, Zyra's POV,

Chapter Twenty-Nine, Three Weeks Later,

The doctors say my body is better now but I still feel broken. I still feel as if life has no end of seeing how much hurt I can take. I loved my sister because she was related to me, she was small and young, she had no idea what could happen to her. Now I stand on her grave trying to get the concept into my head that she is gone. Gone forever. She will never have her first kiss, or go to prom, or learn to drive, or win an award for her drawings because she is gone and I can't stand the pain. They wanted me to go to New York to learn and become a writer with them but I can't. I am not strong enough to be able to write down what I feel and what's going on in my head. Jori forces food into my mouth and makes me swallow it, she also brings me books to read and things to do, this is all when I don't want to go out of my room. I am still standing on her grave reading the gravestone over and over in my head. She is gone, forever, she'll never find someone to love as much as I loved Dawn, Daisy was so young and I couldn't save her. I could've helped save her if my vision didn't blur and my body didn't feel like jello. If I saved her life she would be here right now and I wouldn't be taking so much medication each day to keep my emotions under control. That's another thing, everyone thinks that if you give someone so much medication that they can't feel any kind of emotion, that it's good and that's how it should be. My mind aches and pounds every second of every day wanting to break free and cry or get angry and punch a wall. But no, my medication stops me and holds me upright, it keeps me from even being happy as well even though the doctors say it shouldn't. Every doctor I see says the same crap about everything turning out better in the end, but no one in this world has a fairytale ending. It's a bright sunny day out, it's spring and some flowers are sprouting next to her grave. The sun makes a halo around my sister's grave and I fall to the ground. My emotions want to be set free but all I can do is stare at the grave. Then I hear someone walking towards me, and I instinctively pivot my head. It's just Jori and I sigh with relief.

"Don't worry about the medication stopping your emotions, Zyra, I mean I couldn't take my meds anymore and I went in for ECT, it took away the pain, yes, but I couldn't remember a darn thing, what I want you to understand is that I don't want you to make the mistakes I did, I want you to fight your emotions head on and learn to deal with being emotionless because trust me, losing all your memories, and then having to find them again was a huge hassle" She says and sits down next to me.

I look longingly at Daisy's grave and say the truth, "I wish my brain was anywhere but here, I wish I was anywhere but here, I wish my physical skeleton could be taken anywhere but here, but it can't Jori, nothing will ever be the same again, even if all of my sister and Dawn leaving, I still would be broken beyond all compare"

"Those words anywhere but here mean a lot to you don't they" Jori says calmly, "They mean escape from your own mind and everything around you, with all that happened to me, I wrote a book, but Zyra, you do whatever you can to make you feel slightly happy" Jori says, "I know a lot about being unhappy and it sucks but I need you to hold onto life because" Jori's voice cracks, "Austin almost died for me, like literal suicide and I don't want that for you, I don't want you to think that it's the only way out"

I turn to face her and she looks at me with concern in her tender features.

"I'll try my best to stay positive," I say quietly.

"Staying positive can get you anywhere but here," She says softly and that's when I break down crying.