To Be Like Her

Alex

After school, I decided to stop by the park to clear my thoughts.
Doctor Allan told me to get out of the house as much as possible, preferably by myself somewhere, so I could keep my thoughts quiet and focused.
I knew that I wasn't going to have any other blowout like before. Before it was out of anger, out of sadness. I've become so used to the feeling that now I'm just emotionless.
At the park, I took a seat on one of the rusty swings and swayed back and forth, desperately trying to keep my mind off of my father and my mother, but to no avail.
Around 5, I heard leaves crunching from behind me and immediately went into panic mode. If my mother had caught me outside without her permission, I would be dead.
And not even from her, I'd end up freaking myself out so much that I'd put myself into a coma. And it's possible, Doctor Allan talked to me about it.
I spun around, and my breath caught in my throat.
Ava was standing there, her brown curls flying freely in the wind. I envied her in that moment. She looked so confident and calm, the exact opposite of what I was. And, might I add, beautiful and skinny. I looked down at my - probably never going away - baby fat and winced.
"Funny running into you here," Ava said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. I motioned for her to sit down on the swing next to me and she obeyed.
"Why are you here?" I asked her.
"Can a girl just go to the park?" she asked, her once soft expression turning into a scowl.
I was taken aback about how much her mood changed. She almost reminded me of myself.
"Uh, yeah. I meant... Nevermind. Sorry," I apologized awkwardly.
She sighed, stood up, and brushed the imaginary dirt off of her skinny jeans.
"Tell ya what. I'll give you my number and you can go to the mall with me and my girls tomorrow," she said, pointing at the phone I didn't realize I was fumbling in my hands.
I opened up contacts, then handed her the phone. She held the phone up at an angle and took a picture, then thumbed in her number.
"See you tomorrow, hipster," she said, eyeing my outfit up and down. Flannel and black jeans.
"Later," I replied lamely.
I watched as she walked off, my mind filled with questions.
Why does everyone all of a sudden want to talk to me?
I closed my eyes and pushed the thoughts away, easing myself into a calmer state. Having too many thoughts at once was dangerous.
I stood up and made my way home.

I was greeted by my drunken Aunt Jenna and my mother. They were both messing around in the living room, fumbling the potted plants and small trinkets on the fireplace mantel.
I scowled in disgust and walked up the stairs to my room.
"Honey!! Get your arse down here and say hi to Jenna!" my mother practically screamed. I cringed and slammed my door and locked it.
I took out my razor, closed my eyes, and dragged the cool metal against my arm. Blood dripped down my arm, and I grabbed a towel and pressed it to my arm. I winced at the shockingly horrible pain.
I bit my bottom lip to keep from screaming.
"Honey," my mother's words seemed to slur together, so much to the point where I couldn't make out anything she was saying.
I leaned against my wall, as the blood soaked through the cloth. I kept my eyes away from it, suddenly overwhelmed by dangerous thoughts.
I'm dying, I thought to myself.
With every cut, every burn, every bite of food I refused to eat. I was slowly killing myself.
I grabbed the razor and opened my window, then tossed it out into the night.

"Alex, hey," Jack said, smiling at me as he took the seat next to me this time.
I quickly pulled down my sleeves and tossed him my sandwich.
"Here," I said quietly.
He looked down at it and then looked at me, his eyes filled with concern. I couldn't stand that look, I've seen it so many times.
"Don't look at me like that," I said sharply.
"Like what?"
"Like I'm a wounded animal," I muttered.
"How long has it been since you ate?" he asked me.
"I ate some pancakes this morning," I lied.
He touched my hand softly, then lifted my chin up so I was level with his stare, with his free hand.
"Don't lie to me. Please," he said quietly.
"I'm not. So, anyway, why are you sitting with me? I'm not exactly exciting to talk to," I said, quickly changing the topic.
"Because, I like seeing you. And I like your smile," he said, my cheeks growing warm.
"Oh," I whispered.
"Are you doing anything tomorrow night?" he asked me.
Butterflies filled my stomach, but quickly vanished as I was filled with hunger pains. I clutched my stomach under the table and shook my head, forcing a smile.
"I'm free," I said.
"I'm going to the carnival and I'd like to take you with," he explained.
I knew my mom would never agree to letting me out of the house, let alone with a boy. But for the first time, I decided that I should do what I wanted for a change.
"I'd like you to take me with, too," I smiled, took his phone and thumbed in my number, then got up and walked away.

(A/N I'm changing the story a bit. I mentioned before how the story was going to be about Ava and Alex's toxic friendship and it will be but it'll mainly be about Jack and Alex, and Jack finding out about her parents and self harm. I'm sorry I changed it into something kind of clichè, but romance is what I'm best and most comfortable with at writing. Love you guys <3 )