forever and always, odessa

Hate Myself?

9.0

Why do I hate myself? There are a lot of reasons actually. First off, I'm socially awkward. I can't seem to make a friend. Making friends has been one of the hardest things for me since the 3rd grade. I am such an introvert. I'm not afraid to talk but I'm afraid of what words come out of my mouth. What if I say something rude and wrong? What if my voice sounds annoying to another person? Questions like that are always going through my mind when I'm with people. I feel a lot of jealousy towards individuals who have it so easy. They're natural born socializers. I can't make out a sentence without saying the word 'um' or stuttering. I always hear people say "oh what girl? that girl? she's so quiet. she never talks and she's weird." So when I don't talk I'm weird? You can just judge me straight up like that? Yes, so I do hate myself because it's hard for me to make friends. I've always been feeling lonely because sometimes I'm by myself at school and people are always looking at me saying "oh what a loner." It's awkward for me just standing there like I don't have any friends. I do have some, but not that they'd be around me every time. I sometimes feel lonely in my family. My parents are always taking care of my younger sisters like they are still newborn babies. Why did I have to be the oldest anyway? It's weird how sometimes I would love to be locked inside of my room by myself separated from the world, but the other half of me wants to make friends and be friendly. But I just can't get myself to do it. I feel like no one wants to become friends with me. Maybe it's my appearance? Oh god, don't let me get started on that. Why do I hate myself? Yeah, this is why.

-Forever and Always,

Odessa.

✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️

Author's Note:

I know this isn't exactly a story, but I want to apologize for not updating on this. I've been kind of busy and I didn't have time to exactly sit down and write a poem or a thing like this. I don't know exactly what to call them. Paragraphs? Stories? This paragraph is pre-written. I wrote this about 3 or 4 weeks ago. So anyway, I'm back with writing and hopefully I will continue updating this every Saturday. Thanks everyone for reading this 'story'. I got over 80 views and that's pretty much a lot to me, so thank you so much! :-) xx