Why.You.

The Begining

  I just don't understand why do boys love hurting me. I want nothing more than love, respect, and loyalty. Yeah maybe there's other stuff I might want but these are higher priority then the other ones.
  Is it because they just choose to play around with my feelings. Do they think its cool to have me fall in love then end up getting Hospitalized because I can't handle the high levels of axienty and stress, I try to remove this... This feeling of being betrayed and lied to but its difficult After the damage is done the healing process won't be completed till my mind is made up.

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                      Chapter One
The day I met you, it was summer 2014 and the weather was so beautiful you was so nice and very charming. Your light hazel eyes were beautiful to me. Also your masculine deep voice gave me chills down my spine whenever you spoke a word to me. You were shy to speak to me since you haven't had a friend in forever, but I never understood why you were so antisocial before I met you. The more days went by the more closer we got to each other. After a year we became close... Very close, we trust each other everything secrets and gossip and even slept over each others houses on weekends.

I thought we were going to be friends forever. Till Lay's party came up and you wanted me to go with you. I never liked seeing you drunk because you tend to act stupid.

You say rude things and you become so violent or you just do shit that is straight up not cool ... but I was kinda scared to go since I had a gut feeling that something was going to happen and it wasn't going to be pretty. Around 10pm we arrived at the party I asked you if we can chill in the car for a bit before we walk inside. I tried to warn you about drinking but you stopped me mid-conversation to say something.

You said, " Why try so hard to protect me ?". I remember looking at your face and that my reply was very vague I guess " Because I care about you, obviously ". You shook your head and smiled. You took the key's from the steering wheel and we both got out the car and walked into the party.

Music, beers clinking, and people chatting up a storm were all you heard. Already 30 minutes into the party and I have already lost you. But I know if you need me you would text me. I went into the kitchen and grabbed myself a bottle of vodka. I started to drink a bit heavily. I walked to the living room where everyone was basically at dancing , kissing and talking shit. I sat on the couch just drinking my beer while I watch everyone else have a great time.

That's when you came back I saw you from upstairs with you face full off kiss marks and your neck covered with dark red from the hickey's you received probably a couple minutes ago. 
I was bothered by it since those marks wasn't from me. You walked closer and closer to me then you started to whisper into my ear and said, "Come back to the car". 
I responded "why?" , and out the door we go. You were struggling to open up the doors to the car till I helped you out. Once I opened door to the car you and I sat down.

I took your key's once you sat back down . You started to get mad for some reason I tried to ask you what happen, but you gave me an angry face and I was already scared inside. You started to pull my shirt towards you. 

You started to make out with me, I wanted to get off but at the same time I couldn't since your'e strong as hell, but the thing is over two mins into kissing I started to like it... A lot.

Just feeling your soft lips crashing onto mine made my heart stop for a minute. I didn't know if this was right or wrong. I was low key questioning myself, if you knew what you was doing or you was trying use me for the moment.