Fail

New year, new me

I have no excuses.
I wasn't drunk and I wasn't high, I was just me. But being me means I crave attention and the ability to make people laugh. I'll do anything to get it. Like slap a guy on the ass and call him "sweet cheeks". Or cuddle with a random guy throughout the night and kiss his cheek. Or even tell another guy how my first (and only) kiss was with a girl when I was twelve; something I promised myself I would never bring up again. Atleast I didn't shove my face full of food like a pig or force any of the guys to kiss me on the lips when the ball dropped in Times Square. That's something I've been telling myself to feel better about all my mistakes from last night. To clarify, it isn't working. Looking back on it now, I could have avoided everything that happened at Arty's New years party by just making a few simple decisions. For example, I could have asked Jennifer to keep an eye on me, or stuck with the girls all night instead of the guys, or best of all: NOT GONE. Something that I was actually considering for the three hours leading up to the party.
*sigh* There's nothing I can do now except suck it up and pretend it hadn't happened. Atleast I was trying too, but it seems Jennifer's boyfriend (the formentioned Arty) and his friend Louis don't want me too, seeing as they keep posting photos of Norman and I cuddling on the group chat and not listening when I say nothings going on between us. I'm actually telling the truth, ever since... well... birth I guess, I have been a very "touhy-feely" person, as I like to call it, and Norman was simply my latest victim. To make matters worse, I just got a notification from instagram, about ten minutes ago, telling me that Norman had just liked four of my most recent posts. By recent I mean from August 3, February 26, Febuary 5 and all the way to January of LAST YEAR. I sincerely hope he isn't developing a crush on me because I only see him as a friend and I'm more interested in the guy I nicknamed "sweet cheeks" last night. Although, I've probably ruined any chance of getting with him either. Thankfully, I still have eight days of Christmas break left before I have to see any of them again, hopefully it will blow over by then. Sadly, from experience, I have learned that some people don't understand when you want them to shut. the. fuck. up. (I'm talking to you Arty, Lane and Samuel!)
For now, I should just forget what happened, enjoy my vacation and start planning that shopping trip Jenn and I wanted to go on before having to return to school. 2017 is a new beginning, a chance to start a fresh and be the person I've always wanted to be. A person who is calm and collected but still fun and can have a good time, and who is comfortable in her own body. I want to be healthy and independent, turning heads with my seemingly effortless style and beauty. I definitely wont't give up the things I enjoy, like books and movies and junk food, but I will try and balance it out with healthier meals, exercise and going out more with my friends. Friends that I should be trying to get to know more now that we have only been hanging out for a few months. Some, like Emma, are rude bitches who I don't even want to be seen around, but most of them are pretty cool. Especially Jennifer, Melody and Alexis. I want to have friendships that are better than the one I had with Jessica, a self-absorbed bitch who had been my friend since kindergarten before she started to give me the cold shoulder in grade nine. Stupidly, I ignored the signs and continued to follow her around all year before finally realizing our friendship was one-sided and dumping her ass this past summer. Something I figure she was too inconsiderate or afraid to do herself.
I certaintly do NOT want to repeat that whole ordeal again, so I'm going to throw myself into really getting to know Jenn and the others. I'll make sure to say 'yes' when they ask me to hang out, instead if 'no', something I always seem to regret almost as much as my actions at the New years get together. Oh shit, now I'm thinking about it again. I can barely go five minutes without finding myself reliving that night, silently wishing I had the power to got back in time like that chick in X-men. Was her name Kitty Pride? Or was that the girl who could walk trough walls... are they the same person? I have no idea, obviously it's been awhile since I've seen any of the movies.
Anyways, I need to start planning for 2017, I feel like this is gonna be a good year. Or atleast as good as it can get when you're the spaztastic Alina Lorrence.