All my life I always tired to fit in, but usually it didn't work out. I didn't have the looks, money or the body. I struggled all my life with bulling but I didn't really get to me. I thought that I was strong not letting anybody's words get to me oh how wrong I was. As far as I can remember I was always on the bigger side so you know how that went. The first time I recall getting bullied was back in 5th grade. I really liked this boy called Salvador but he liked this girl Mary (I really don't remember her name so we will call her Mary) it upset me but I talked to him more than anyone so I found it okay. She was the popular girl in our elementary everyone liked her because she was developing in certain areas. Then one day out of the blue she started talking to him and flirting with him he was so excited explaining everything and all I could do was smile and tell him that it was aswome and I support him. (Thinking back now I feel so dumb we were just kids but acting or trying to act all grown up). After, that Salvador and I started talking less and less I didn't know what was happening we sat next to each other but he would totally ignored me. One day I had enough so I confronted him and I found out that Mary and him were 'going out' so he couldn't talk to me because he was told not to. It sadden me more than I thought it would yes I liked him but he was like my best friend and it sucked not being important enough that if someone made you choose I would be the least person you pick. I felt so sad that I just looked him in the eyes and said "ooooh sorry" I don't know why I was apologizing but it seemed to just come out, after that I ran to my little sister classroom to pick her up and walked home. Days passed and I didn't try to think about him so I focused on school. One day after we all got back from recess I found a note in my desk that said "Meet me after class by the stairs I really need to talk to you" reading that made me happy because I thought it was Salvador. When I got to the meeting place I found someone but it wasn't the person I was expecting it was Mary standing there with her best friend. I quickly turned away but was stop by them calling my name I slowly turned suddenly feeling very nervous.
"Oh good you came I thought you didn't get my note" Mary said as she closed the gap between us I just stood there and nodded.
" I'll make this quick okay I know that you like Salvador but as you can see he choose me over you so do us a big favor and don't talk or even look at him. He made the best chose look at me and look at yourself"
"Clearly he is not blind... Oh before I go here's a little tip you should really start wearing a training bra or loose some weight" she laughed as she said that.
Imagine being what 10 or 11 and the person you like telling you that even though you guys were friends h choose a girl that just started talking to him and then have the girl tell you that you weren't good enough and that should look in the mirror and loose the weight.
At a very young age I've had that inner voice telling me to stop don't eat that or you should just give up. Mind you my parents were on the verge of a divorce. That's a different story but overall the police were called, knifes and hospitals are involve. Thinking back at my life its really a miracle I'm still here writing about it.
