What is love?

1

The rain smashes against my window leaving my thoughts in disarray. Had I broken her? Maybe, I was giving myself to much power to think that I could break anyone. In order to "break" someone, you would need to know what it took. Do I even know her? I can't say that I know anyone enough to understand what it would take to unwind them mentally.

The thought of hurting her never crossed my mind. She was, no, she is the strongest woman that has ever entered my life. It was never my intention to cause her any pain or hysteria, yet, at this moment it appears as though I have done both. She was the only one on my mind; filling my thoughts with her essence. The rain hit harder. The heavens were crying out for our lost love. In other words my lost love, 'our' is too strong of a word to use for us; If there was even an us to discuss at this moment. Love for me was always one-sided.

Unrequited love. My affection towards my lovers has always felt one-sided and she was no exception. Even though I hoped she would be, she was worse than the rest. With her I was rewarded with nothing for giving her everything, yet, she was the one who was hurt the most. The world has an interesting way of illustrating its wonders to me.

Despite how she may feel now she was not the only one hurting, however, I would never call her egotistical for feeling as such. I was never like this before the light that is Zoe illuminated my life. Whether Zoe was an actual light or more of the bug zapper was up for interpretation. Every relationship had its ups and its downs. This relationship or whatever she would choose to call it was in-between normal and absurd. What we shared was always had fewer ups than downs and right about now I felt lower than I have before. She would never admit it, I know she has or had feelings for me. Tonight felt similar to the first night that I witnessed her charm.

The moment that my eyes glazed over her honey-colored legs I knew that I was hooked. I was experiencing tingles that ran throughout my body. The memory flashed before my eyes, Zoe looked ravishing that night. It was my first time in a club since my break up with my high school lover. My eyes roamed over the enchantress in the black dress. She moved on the dance floor with an appetite. The songs switched vigorously as the DJ worked to appease the crowd and Zoe's hips moved right along with ever switch of the dial. My drink was almost gone. Time was ticking away rapidly now; it was now or never. I had chosen to move from my seat at last so that I may partake in her forbidden fruit. A moment to late however as someone pulled Zoe with them towards the exit. I watched her mold into his body perfectly.

That should have been me sweeping her away, maybe then things would have been different. All I can remember is thinking was this it for me? My mood was dashing off the high faster than I could catch it. I had let the opportunity slip through my fingers. Looking back now I was utterly devastated. That was not the last time that I would see that honey skin. It probably would have been for the best if it was.

Zoe is like a magnet. She attracts many, but never chooses one. I thought that maybe I could be that one. Being the hopeless romantic that I am pushed me to fall for a woman that would rather fall than fall for anyone but herself. There's a saying that goes "no one will love you as much as you love yourself," I learned the meaning of it while with Zoe. I had never been with someone so comfortable being them before. It forced me to love her more and love myself less. I was not Zoe. I was not the magnet. I was not the confident one, but she was. She was everything I ever wanted and nothing that I felt I could have. Zoe could have it all. I watched her devour others only wanting her to devour me instead.

Our encounters at first were always spontaneous, by accident, but they left me more and more hungry to devour her. Perhaps I went to that same club every night because I wanted to see Zoe in all her glory. To think of it as such would be to rip the mystery of our relationship, if you could call it a relationship, anyway. I never said a word to her while I stole glances out of the corner of my eye. She had begun to notice me nevertheless, at first I believed that our meetings were a sign sent from the Gods. I realized too late that even the Devil was not this cruel as to put my affection into her path.

There were multiple awkward glances and nervous smiling, mostly on my part. I wasn't until one day I assume Zoe had enough of me just starring. The moment she approached me, I was at a loss for words. All that I could do was apologize. The thunder began to slam against the ground pushing me further away from my memories. What was left for me now was not in the past, but left in my future.

Ripping my blinds from the window I watched her storm off for what felt like the last time. I had finally mustered up the courage to tell Zoe that we were over – for good this time. However at this moment watching her felt wrong. Like two twin flames we burned each other out far too often, but I had finally, had enough or so I thought following the dispute. During rough times like this, the weather always reflected my mood every time we went through our steady downs. This time it was different, this time the sky mourned the loss of two doomed lovers just as Romeo mourned the proposed death of his sunshine. Mother nature had been so cruel to my love that she was now reflecting on her misdealing's. It wasn't long that I realized that my lover had disappeared, but my eyes still lingered on where her form used to be. Maybe I would never see her again, maybe that would be for the best for both of us; with that thought, the earth shook slightly as the thunder roared. I shuddered, the weather always reflected my mood during these continuous down spells.

It seemed very likely that I was overreacting, however, that didn't stop the lone tears from making the grueling journey down my tattered cheek. I knew that this was love and I knew that love was work and I knew that I could fix her. But maybe I was searching for her to fix me. Hurt people hurt people I suppose. I never worked to cause her any strife, but that sentiment was not reciprocated. Zoe was to free to be tied down to anyone or anything if only I had learned that sooner than later.

Pulling away from the window, moving towards my bedroom I throw on the nearest attire forcing myself to prepare to see her. I would not let us fizzle out. I loved how Zoe burned and I refuse to let her burn without me adding to her flame. Searching for an umbrella seemed like a lost cause in the mess that we had caused in my studio apartment. Dashing out of my home I race towards my car in hopes to catch Zoe at the one place that I know is her solitude.

The club seemed empty, but with her here it was always filled with her essence. Here we were once again. Me sitting at the bar nursing a drink that I didn't really want and her swaying to the music. I will no longer just watch. Making my way towards Zoe, I catch her eyes.

As I get a breath closer I hear her moan out my name "Veronica."