KNOCKOUT

Blurb 2.0

Hey there!!! This was stuck in my head and I just had to get it out. I cried while writing this, but I felt the need to share it with you guys anyway. Here's (probably) the last thing I'll ever write about Tatum and Holden.

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The thumping noise reaches my ears and I can't help but let a smile cross my expression. The sound of wrapped fists laying a beating on a punching bag is one that I've grown used to, one I'd never be able to let go.

I grab my purse before walking out of the office, moving my feet toward the familiar noise. Sterling stands with his hands on his hips, watching our son put all his force into every punch. Maggie sits a few feet away from them, cheering little Edward on when he throws a good punch but scolding him when he fumbles.

"It's about your elbow angle, Ed!"

The words nearly stop me in my tracks and I gasp, catching the attention of my family. All three heads turn to me and I feel the rush of heat to my cheeks. Sterling looks guilty while my kids just rush toward me.

"Mommy, Mag is being mean again!" Edward whines and I resist the urge to coddle my youngest.

"Margaret, were you taunting your brother?"

The ten year old looks up at me, shaking her head. "I was correcting him," she says. "He's not doing it right. His elbow is wrong."

The words punch straight through me, today of all days, even after all this time. I can't help but reach for the cold metal around my neck, always coming back to the ring for comfort.

"I wasn't watching Ed, but you need to let daddy do the training. He can handle it, okay?"

"But daddy said that's what uncle Holden always told you, right?"

One glance at Sterling and I can tell he regrets sharing this information with her. He saunters over to us, stepping in between me and the kids to place a quick kiss against my cheek.

"Tatum..."

I cut him off, "Yes, uncle Holden always got on to me about my elbow."

"See?" Maggie sticks her tongue out at Ed. "I'm just being like uncle Holden!"

I crack a smile, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. Although she can't personally remember Holden, Maggie carries more of his spirit in her than I would've ever thought possible.

"You're very much like him, Mags." She smiles but I stop her before she can say anything else. "But he was also very arrogant at times, which is not a good thing. Balance is important, okay?"

Edward sticks his tongue out at her and instead of focusing on the bickering that is sure to break out between them, I ruffle the hair on both of their heads before turning to my husband.

"Remember you have a training session with a new fighter at noon." He nods. "I love you," I add.

"I love you. Are you sure you want to go alone?"

I nod, "I need to do this by myself. I'll be home soon."

Sterling pulls me in, kissing me until the kids start to whine about how "gross" we are. I smile, kissing them each on the top of the head before I walk out of the spacious gym and hop into my car.

I get it started, taking a deep breath and pulling out of the tight parking lot. Seconds later, my phone begins to ring and I panic for a second before getting it linked to the Bluetooth in my car.

"Hello?"

"Tatum!"

Isabella.

"Hey, Izzy." She typically calls me once a week to check up, but this is the third time. Today.

"Are you headed there now?" She sounds distracted and I can hear her rustling on her end of the phone. Probably getting supper together for her little ones.

"Yeah." I sigh. "I'm hoping it goes better than last year."

"It's okay to cry, Tatum."

"It's been ten years, Iz. Years. Ten of them."

There's a moment of silence between us before she finally speaks again. "You don't have to be done grieving until you're ready."

"And if I'm never ready?"

"Then you're never ready. But pushing yourself to get over it is only going to hurt you."

I sigh again, knowing she's right. Although I can't physically say the words, they're unspoken. I never will be ready and I don't have to be. I can mourn, I can grieve, as long as I live. As long as I fight.

I don't feel like I've been in the car a long time but as I pull onto the narrow street, I hang up the phone. I need to do this. In silence. By myself. Well, almost by myself. I mindlessly touch the ring again, only taking slight comfort in its smooth exterior. My eyes flit over the ink on my wrist and I feel the pull on my heart.

Fighter.

I can feel Holden, all around me. Everyday I feel him but today is different. It has been ten years and I do not love him any less than the day he died. I have found things to heal me, but being this close to Holden gives me a sense of serenity.

My tattoo tingles as I press two fingers against it before turning my car off and stepping outside. It only takes me a few minutes to find what I'm looking for and I don't bother to fight off the tears sliding down my cheeks. I bend down, pressing my knees to the outskirts of the chilled granite as I brush off fallen leaves from it.

I take a deep breath. "Hey, Samuels."