The sun was nearly asleep as we got to the park, the cold air hitting us like a stab from an icicle, causing me to shiver, "You cold?" Joshua asked, rubbing his own arm as I shrugged, "I think it might just be the fact that the coffee shop was so warm and now we're out in what seems the Antarctic."
"Woah, hang on there, it isn't that bad!" He chuckles, nudging me before sighing, "If I had a jacket with me, I'd offer it to you but..." he gestures towards his suit jacket and thin white shirt underneath causing me to giggle. "We're just Stupid." I say as I stuff my hands into my jean pockets, trying to keep them warm as he shakes his head and pulls me close to him, his warmth immediately recognisable, "We're just young." he sighs softly. "We'll you're twenty, I'm nineteen, we're basically classed as adults now." I correct him.
We don't say anything else until we reach the small bandstand in the centre of the park. Sitting in the middle of the old stand, hugging myself as I look around, Joshua smiles small, taking off his jacket and putting it around my shoulders as he sits down. I gasp at him wide eyed, "Dude! You're tops thinner than mine, here take this back!" I exclaim, quickly removing the jacket from around me to give it back to him. Biting his lip, he takes the jacket back but pulls me into his side, putting one arm of it around me and the other, him.
He's too close, perhaps too close.
His heat instantly radiates onto to me, his warm, soft breath making my neck tingle as he wraps a hand around my waist, putting his head on mine and closing his eyes and humming softly. "You know," He starts, his voice low, "What you said about us being classed as adults earlier?" I nod my head, turning slightly to look at him with a hint of confusing playing on my mind. "Sara, why don't we start acting like adults? You know, respect each other, be friends?" he tilts his head, his eyes connecting with mine before I divert my gaze to the stone ground and shrug, "I guess... it's an idea." I mumble, fiddling with my hands.
He has a point. We're should be acting our own age but we never seem too. Perhaps it's the fact that we were both kept away from any signs of trouble as kids and weren't given enough freedom. Joshua has his dad to contend with, whereas I had my dad and Melody. We were both over protected but I know, it was all the best. Parent's just want what's best for their children, even if that does mean keeping them in sight for the most of their youth.
Joshua smiles softly, putting his head back on mine, "If we're gonna start this, I want to know what my dad meant about you and faith." he states, slowly going to take my hand before I quickly stand up and walk to the other side of the stand.
"You don't need to know," I remark, my leg bouncing and my lip quivering. I turn my head the other way and I look out across the park's scenery. The snow hadn't come yet, but you could tell it was getting ready by the way the trees danced with the rhythm of the wind. Closing my eyes, I take in a deep breath and wipe away a few stray tears. Faith isn't a thing in my book. I believe in everything else but faith, and that's not just putting it into religious terms. "This is about your mum, isn't it?" Joshua whispers before pulling me into his chest. I want to fight back but I can't help but sob, his touch has made me weak.
"I-I remember when she left us... I remember your face the first time you came back to church... I remember your mother Sara." He comforts, "I remember how kind she was towards everybody, and it's such a shame she left us." He swayed us in time with the weather's beat, as my arms held him like a baby holding a teddy bear. He remembers, yet he still asks. "I-Is that why you were crying the other week after my dad spoke to you?"I nod slowly, pulling away and wiping my eyes. "D-Don't worry," I mumble, sniffling a little and sitting back down "I'll get over it."
"You need to find faith, Sara." He put forth, making me cringe.
"What's the point?" I ask, rather unsure of my emotions.
"I know what it feels like when prayers aren't answered and you loose a loved one, but that's no reason to find faith... God's answers can come in different ways and they may take years."
"So, my mum's just going to miraculously come back from the dead by the time I'm twenty?" I quiz, fiddling with the end of my top as he takes his seat back, next to me.
He sighs, shaking his head, "He answers in different ways. He either says yes and gives it to you; says no and gives you something better, or he makes you wait and gives you best..."
"Bullshit." I spit
"I-it's not... think about it. You have Melody and your siblings now." He purses his lips and sits in front of me,"Do they make you happy?" I nod. "Then maybe that's what God gave to you.."
"My dad's still a wreck, Josh, explain what God's done about that."
"Maybe God's just not had enough time." He shrugs.
The boy takes my hands in, pressing mine together in a pray like position and letting his rest on top of them as he tilts his head, smile small, "Faith isn't all about religion Sara. You need to have faith in others... and I think we should start by finding faith in each other.." He begins to suggest before I raise an eyebrow and try and snatch my hands back, "That sounds weird... like really dirty as well, eww." I say as he starts to chortle on again as one of his fingers begins to rub my hand gently, the feeling sending tingles up my arm, "This is what I meant. We should grow up and learn how to trust each other, you know? No more acting like little kids towards each other than instantly complaining. No more of me just genuinely treating you like shit when I don't know how to feel about..." His voice trails off as he looks up and meets my gaze. He pulls me into his, embracing me again, placing his head on my shoulder and whispering with his chocolate voice --
"Let me help you find faith."
