Hi my name is Erica! I am 17 years old. I have bright geen eyes. I live in a small town. I am anerexic. I have been going through some tough times and I have no one to help me through them. Everyone says they understand but, they don't because they aren't in the same situation. Well, my life feels like a complete disaster. I am deeply inlove with this one person but he will never love me back. He acts like I don't even exsist. I feel like I am invisible in life. Everyone just ignores me and pushes me off like I am a piece of trash. All people ever do is call me names or get mad at me. Well, besides school at home I am going through a lot. My dad has gone off to prison and he will be there a long time. Without him I feel like I can't be happy, I can't breath, and I can't live. He means the absolute world to me. I am terrified one day one of us might pass and we wouldn't be able to say goodbye to one another. No one will ever understand how twisted and broken down I am. When I get home from a prisoned school I go in my room and I make sure I am isolated and I ball my eyes out. No one will be able to fix me. My other problem is I am forbidden from seeing my own brother, how messed up is that? My brother is 15 and he already has two kids. His girlfriend is his number one priority, she always will be. He is considered a druggie but, that is all this town consists of. You know what they should put a sign enter at your own risk. I mean this town has turned wonderful people, smart, beautiful, and genorous people into acholics, druggies, kidnappers, and rapeists. I like this town with the few friends I have, make that one. She sticks up for me and she is like a sister. Questions I ask myself before I go to bed are like Do I still want to live? Should I run? If anyone knew everything would they still like me. I am honestly confused. Right now I hate my life and I want to end it. I hate it I put everything I have into my life to make it atleast ok and every time I try I mess it up. Will life ever get better? My mom wants to move but, I promised my dad I would stay here till he gets out. I used to have perfect grades they were all A's and now I am lucky to get a C. I mean I honestly work and work but, I can't do it. People wonder why I don't eat much maybe lucky to eat something small. I keep having this dream I have my dad back, he is playing with me but, there is one thing different he is smiling, he is happy. My dad has missed out on a lot in my life like some of my birthdays. One thing no one will ever know is I have cuts on my arms I don't show anyone I keep my sweatshirt on. No one will ever find out, no one can. If I were gone how many people would actually notice? Life is the hardest thing right now. I don't think I can go on much longer. I don't think I can hold on much longer. The rope is breaking and so am I!!!! Well I just got an idea what if I run away as far as I can and never come back. So, that is what I did I left and I will never go back. It is freezing cold out but no one can make me go back. I want to start a new life a new start. As I run Someone grabs me and puts me in a car I can't see though. I am screaming and kicking. He pulls off the bag. Oh GOD!!!!! It is the guy from down the street. I ask him " What are you doing?" He replies "Your coming home with me prescious!" All I can think is wait I have my pocket knife. Suddenley we are at a stop it is the old gray house. He throws me over his shoulder, when he does I stab him in the back. He drops me and I start running, suddenley I fall. I can see gary running towards me so I take the strength to get back up. I ran to the closest house which was a mile away. I banged on their door as hard as I could. They open the door and I was crying so they let me in and told me to sit on the couch and explain. I explained exactley what I could. They got me a blanket and patched up my knees and hands. They call the cops right away. Suddenly this guy walks in his name was Jake. He had blonde beautiful hair and georgous blue eyes. He was pretty tall. He acted so polite he got me a drink and got me a pillow. He asked if he could get me any food and of course I just said "No thank you I am not hungry." So he sat down next to me on the couch. His mom came in and stated "Jake were have you been and what did u drive." He replied " Mom I just went to josh's and I rode me motorcycle there." All I could think was yes he has a motorcycle and he is cute. I noticed he had a couple tatto's they looked really cool. His mom asked me " Erica hunny where do you live?" I replied "I do believe I live 30 miles away." "Oh gosh!" she replied. 'Well I guess Jake will have to drive you home on his motorcycle." Mrs. Horan I moved out. "Where do you live then?" I live where ever my journey ends which is usually the curb. Well you will be staying here then.
3 years later........ Jake and Erica had a baby girl and got married. There baby's name is Reegan. They had a house in malvern Iowa. Jake works for Agriland. Reegan goes to kindergarten. Sadly Erica was killed on Reegans' first day of kindergarten. After Erica dropped Reegan of to school she was on her way to work and got in a head on colison and was able to live long enough to write 2 letters. Jake took it terribley wrong. Reegan didn't understand but, she cried just beacause her daddy was crying. Erica wrote Reegan a letter for when she passed.
Dear Reegan,
I love you dearly sweetheart. I have no idea when you will read this but I miss you so much hun. I know you will do wonderful things. You are one smart beautiful girl. Dont cry hunny I got to spend a little bit with you on earth but guess what I am always with you. I see everything you do. Yes I am terribly sad I will not be able to help you with your wedding. I won't be able to be at your graduation. I will be in your heart. Even though you won't be able to see me I will be there. I am glad to know you will grow up and have a lovely family just like the one we have now. I hope you will grow up and talk about how happy your chilhood was. Sweety I know your crying but, stop hun everythings ok I am here hun just talk to me. I love you sweetheart. Stay safe! I miss you sweetie.
Love your mommy!
Dear Jake,
Hold it together. Hold it together for me and our daughter. I miss you so much. The first time we met you lit up the whole room. I know it is hard having to be a mom and dad but you don't have to find someone. Find someone that will help our daughter on her wedding and tell her they love her. Write me back I will read it some how I will connect back some how. You can't be scared anymore you have to stay strong. Dont cry because I am watching you as you read this and when you cry it makes me cry. Remember you are her rock. Stay happy. Promise me this you will take a lot of pictures. Every where you go I will be here for you and our daughter. I love will always love you. Miss you.
Love,
Erica
