Aurora

20.

A/N: final chapter! hope you enjoy :)

The days following Landon's death were the longest days of my life.

Mom and Dad flew in shortly, but I didn't want to go back home. I wanted to make sure Julien was well, and I wasn't ready to let everything go. I missed an extra week of school because of what had happened. Everyone in the neighborhood was devastated. It was unexpected and terrifying to think about.

Landon's funeral was a week later.

I remember standing there, wearing a long black dress with my throat all closed up and tightened. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I had cried all too much that week, and at that point, I was just exhausted. I hadn't slept, I hadn't eaten, and I hadn't done anything. The memories were horrifying, taunting me every day and night. Natalie wasn't crying either, although I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was traumatized and heartbroken and that she was going to hold onto that day forever.

As I watched Landon's casket get lowered into the ground, I thought of our last memories together. They were painted vividly like sharp knives, each one cutting into us deeper than the last. I glanced at Natalie, who fiddled a tissue between her fingers, even though she still wasn't crying. Connor was crying, though. To a ten-year-old, happy, overjoyed kid like Connor, death almost seemed inevitable. Now that it was really happening though, reality struck him hard, and he wasn't handling it well. Mom wrapped her arms around his tiny torso and held him close to her, soothing him.

"Shh, Connor," she whispered. "I know it's tough. It'll be okay, though. He's in heaven now."

Neither of the three of us ever ended up discussing with Mom and Dad what we'd really seen that day. They knew we had witnessed Landon getting shot, but they didn't know how horrendous it really was. They didn't know that I held Landon in my arms that morning, watching him gasp and cough up blood and words, watching him struggling to hold on to thin strings of energy. They didn't know that I begged him to keep his eyes open as I stared directly into the most fearful pair of eyes I'd ever seen. His words kept playing over and over again in my head. "I don't want to die, Aurora."

When the cops and ambulances and fire trucks came, they carried Landon away and took all of us to the hospital. I still had Landon's blood stains on my shirt, and when I noticed this I screamed and tried to take it off. A lady held me down and told me to calm myself, but I couldn't. Deep down, I knew that Landon was already dead. I'd seen it with my own eyes - I'd seen him lose his consciousness and choke on blood and draw out his final breath.

We were all interrogated. I told them the truth and what I had understood from the situation based on what I'd seen and heard: Julien had been trying to shoot himself, but Landon intervened and turned the gun his way at the last possible minute, when Julien accidentally pulled the trigger, causing the bullet to tear right into Landon's chest.

Julien was later hospitalized. Aunt Diane made her way to the hospital as quickly as possible, and so did Landon's parents. I didn't get the chance to speak to them but based on what I'd heard, they were out shopping for new furniture when the incident occurred.

Now, they were at the funeral, and even though Landon seemed to think that Julien was their favourite child and they didn't pay much attention to him, I could tell that they loved him. A lot. They were watching their son get buried with these expressions that showed sickening amounts of pain and sorrow. Julien was there, too. He looked even worse.

The day we were planning to go home, Natalie and I went over to Julien's house to check up on him and make sure that he was coping well. We spoke to the parents a bit, and then they told us that Julien was upstairs. We found him sitting in Landon's bedroom. He flinched a little when he walked in.

"Hi," was all he said.

Natalie took a seat next to him on the bed. I stayed standing up, walking around a little to observe. They'd left Landon's room the way he left it: slightly messy, food wrappers and a water bottle on his nightstand, some clothes scattered everywhere, and his desk - a mess of homework and drawings. I didn't know he drew. Taking a few steps closer, I observed the pictures of his dogs, of skates, of scenery, of Christmas decorations, and of people. He had a sketchbook, too. It was old and curled a little at the ends. Carefully, I flipped it open.

The first thing I saw was a drawing of his family, dated from a few years back. As I leafed through the pages, his artwork got progressively better. Some were bright and happy, others were dark and scary. There were even a few drawings of us together as a group. Me, Natalie, Connor...

I glanced at Julien. "I didn't know he liked to draw."

Julien didn't make eye-contact with me. "Not many people did. He was kind of a secretive person, also a bit of an introvert, I guess. I was his brother and I barely knew anything about him. Now he's dead. It's kind of late to want to get to know him."

Natalie took Julien's hand, sighing. "Julien..."

"What? It's my fault. I'm not afraid to admit it, either. I shot him."

"Don't say that," I said.

"It's the truth."

"Landon wouldn't have wanted you to think that way. You know what the first thing he said to me was right after you shot him? "Make sure he knows." He wanted you to know it was an accident, and that he forgave you for it."

"Yeah, and he also said he didn't want to die."

"That's not the point. He was dying, Julien, and even though he was the one dying his priority was you. He loved you. I could tell. If he was still here he wouldn't want you to be like this."

Natalie nodded. "She's right. Don't blame yourself for what happened, okay?"

Julien still didn't look at me.

"Julien, are you listening to me? Landon wouldn't have wanted this. He always put others in front of himself. All he ever wanted was for people to be happy. That includes you."

There was a long pause for a very, very long time. Finally, Julien's eyes met mine.

"He um, he drew something for you, Rory. It's in the sketchbook. The last drawing."

My stomach dropped. I stared at him for a minute, as if unsure of whether or not I had heard him correctly. "For me?"

He nodded.

I looked over my shoulder, catching a glimpse at the desk full of papers. Then I turned around and made my way towards it, placing my hands against his sketchbook and leafing through the pages until I stopped at the final one. I swallowed hard, pressing my lips together and holding it carefully.

The drawing was a bright and happy one. It was only partially coloured in, the rest sketched out with a pencil. It was a picture of me and him, and in the picture, we were walking through the snow. I was walking Nala with envelopes in one hand, and he was walking Tucker, smiling.

At the top of the paper, there was a message written in neat handwriting. I pictured him sitting at this very desk and writing it, drawing and colouring things in. I held it a little closer to me. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I read the message:

For Aurora.

And there were three words.

You are brave, Landon. You're the bravest person I know.