Fatal Release

CHAPTER 1

All I can remember is red flashing lights. Not much else. It was one of the most horrible days I've had. And trust me, I've had a lot of them. I use to think that God is punishing me. Why? Hell if I know. But I know now that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors. But being a warrior can sometimes be very scary and sad. Especially when death and violence is involved.

As humans we are to come into this world. Learn from our fellow human beings and just go about our days till we die. And then think about death almost every time it occurs close to us. Your grandparents, mother and father. Some people lose their kids. It's crazy and I know I am just rambling on but, maybe sometimes that's a good thing.

I remember when I experienced my first loss. It was painful and confusing and just really hard to deal with. But, let me take you back to before that so you can see how perfect my shattered life was.

I remember the day when my mom and dad told me I was going to be a big brother to a sister or brother. My mother was a small woman with blonde straight hair that was shoulder length and my father had wavy black hair that was short. They both had their own way of dressing even though they worked for some big company.

That morning I was ready to eat the pancakes my mom was making. They smelled more delicious than ever. I will never forget the smell of her pancakes. She use to make them with chocolate inside them. Also she would sprinkle a little love on them. I know now it was just an expression but at the time I was so interested.

"Honey! Are you almost ready?" My mother yelled up to my father.

"Coming Hun! Just trying to find my lucky socks."

"Really? Why those old things?" She asked.

I remember he came down with a smile wearing them and just staring at her.

"These socks are what brought us together, what got you pregnant and gave us this beautiful life. These socks will give us luck at the doctors."

My mom giggled and just stared at him.

"Ok, first I didn't like you cuz your socks babe. And those socks aren't what made Parker."

"Hey." He interrupt her while smiling. "I know what made Parker. And it was the socks that set that mood for me."

They both laughed and I just laughed with them.

"Oh we gotta go babe." She stated.

"Oh yea come on" he replied.

We all got into the car and went to my doctors first. My mom went to her doctor as well that day.

I remember always smelling alcohol walking into the exam rooms. And I was scared but I tried being brave to show my mom I was a big kid. I remember when the doctor walked in and was smiling with that scary grin. He made me go up on the scale to weigh me and height scale to see how tall I was. Ima let you guys know, I was a short kid. I was super short but it just made me cuter. Anyways, All I heard from that big smile grinning Doctor was, "Ok Parker, it's time for your flu shot." I turned my head the other way and before I knew it, it was all done. I thought to myself, wow that didn't hurt that much this time.

"Look at my brave little man." My father said.

"Yes he's so brave and tough" my mom said while tickling me.

The doctor looked at me as he put on a Spider-Man bandaid and said, "Parker you are such a brave little feller. Here you go for being so brave." He handed me a big lollipop which was very delicious.

As we walked into my mom's doctors office I remember seeing one of the neighbors daughters there with her stomach like a balloon. I asked my mom, "What happened to her? Did she eat too much."

She gasped and replied, "Parker! Don't say that, she is pregnant. That's how I looked when you were in my tummy."

I thought to myself a lot that day why my mom had me in her stomach, like did she get really hungry and eat me? But I soon found out that day why.

We went into the exam room of her doctor and they had almost the same room as my pediatric doctors office except the wallpaper didn't have a dancing sun with dancing clouds and a moon. Or the fact that the table was not a table but a chair. I remember sitting next to my dad and the doctor walked in and my dad happily asking, "So?"

She replied, "You're beautiful wife is pregnant!"

My mom and dad embraced each other and kissed and we're just so happy.

My mom was extremely happy and I felt like a stick in the mud by asking, "Mommy what's pregnant?"

She then told me, "There is a baby in her tummy just like how the neighbors daughter."

I told her, "That's not possible you didn't eat me though."

My dad laughed and told me "No son you're going to have a baby brother or baby sister, God gave us the gift of another child!"

I remember going home that day happy to think that I'm going to have another kid to play with since it was just me. And the months went by fast for my parents as they got ready for the new baby. But for me it went too slow.

I just wanted my baby brother to be here already.

I remember my mom always being hungry and my dad was very tired since he had to take another job because my mom had to stay home due to so much pain. But the night I'll never forget during this is the night I woke up to my mother screaming it sound like one of those

Horror movie screams. My father came and got me out of my bed and then my mom and dad took me to my aunt's house and I got to play with my older cousin Jim.

one night while I was over there I heard my aunt talking on the phone. All I really heard her say was, "Oh, alright. I'll tell him we will be over in the morning."

It scared me of how she said it and she hung up the phone so I ran to the room and jumped in bed. She came in and came beside my bed and told me my brother is here and we will be visiting him tomorrow.

I was so ecstatic I couldn't sleep that night.

In the morning we went to go see my mom, dad and little brother.

We walked into the room and my mom was holding him. She asked me, "Parker, would you like to meet your little brother Jackson?"

I hopped up and down screaming, "Yes".

"Hey hey hey, Parker take it down some. Ok little man?" My father said low.

He was squishy looking with big eyes with just a little bit of hair on top of his head.

"He's ugly like a blob" I said giggling.

"Oh no honey he's beautiful." My mother stated.

I looked at him and seen him have a little smile. I told him that I'll always protect him.

And after a year with his screaming and crying and always smelling like a porta potty at a festival I wish I never said that.

It was crazy with Jackson. Always throwing stuff and he aims for your head. Always he got the head. And he's spitting and gross and pooping and crying. Over and over again. But at the end of the day when he was sleeping he was my cute baby brother that I loved.

My 5th birthday came and Jackson was going to turn 2 in three months. I had friends at preschool who came. Even the little girl down the street I had a crush on at the time came. I was 5 so I felt older. And my little brother and I were inseparable so I made sure he didn't feel left out at the party. When it was time for cake I smudged cake all on his cheek and my mom took some and smudged some on my dad's face.

"Just like our wedding babe" my mom said happily.

He looked at her and kissed her lips and replied, "Exactly like our wedding Hun."

It was time to open my presents and I made sure Jackson helped. It was good. We were a perfect family. Nothing could ever go wrong. Or so I thought.