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1
I watched the rain drops race against eachother for a moment. They were following eachothers lead. They had a path to follow, unlike me.
It was a gloomy day in general. The weather seemed to match my mood, which wasn't a jolly one.
Four days it had been since i had eaten, slept or listened to any metal. The result..?Constant migraines and an ever present weakness. It was the thinking that i was doing thats led me to where i am now. Thinking had never been a plus point for me, and tonight wasn't any exception.The 'what if's' were slowly but surely breaking down the walls that i had built around a certain memory.So strong the foundation of those walls had been, yet now,it didn't seem strong enough. This isn't how things should be.
Oh, but it is. It's your fault that he isn't here.
I sank deeper into the corner of the room that i had taken as my sanctuary. I cringed as i thought of Aaron smiling, there was so much pain. Why didn't i see it..? I should have been there for him. But how can it be my fault..? It was his! He should have spoken to me!
Its your fault, don't blame it on him. He was innocent.
I dropped my head in shame. What kind of bestfriend was i..? Blaming him when he...
A horrible one. Isn't it obvious..?
I shut my eyes and willed myself to stop thinking. SHUT UP! I screamed internally . I was granted with a few seconds of silence before Aaron's words hit me hard.
'I loved her not for the way she danced with my angels, but for the way the sound of her name could silence my demons'
I held down a sob and tried to blink away the fresh wave of tears. One shouldn't be able to feel so much grief. This should be illegal. Just emotionless is what i want. To feel nothing at all. Thinking back on what he had said, I couldn't help the words that slipped past my trembling lips.
'Now his name stirs up my demons. because he left a piece of himself in my heart that he never came to take back'
Time to go.
I wiped away the remaining of my tears and grabbed my phone and settled on to listening to 'Hope Leaves' by Opeth.
I sighed as i felt my head ache subside and my heart fill up with love for this beautiful genre of music. Metal always had that effect on me. It made times like this ,easier. Made this life worth living for in a way.
