Moments 2

The Explanation That You Guys Deserve - My Story

Hey guys, it's Ella. So, I know that it's been a long time since I've really been active on this account... I've posted the odd chapter here and there, but nothing consistent and I'm really sorry guys. So if you're still around and waiting for some updates, they're coming, I promise, it's just been a bit slow going for me for the last, well, year. I honestly don't know what exactly to tell you guys, so I guess that I'll just start from the beginning. So, I think in an old chapter I mentioned how I've been suffering from depression but hadn't actually been diagnosed by my doctor. Well, I have now. The doctor said that I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression that may be situational or may just be regular depression. So I guess what you might want to know is why it's situational...it's kind of a long story. For a while I debated telling you guys but I decided to tell you. It started during the fall of my grade 9 year, which I guess is when I got quiet here on Wattpad. I'm not really sure what started all of this, but I just started feeling very sad all the time. It got really bad by about Christmas. During my Christmas break I had some pretty bad thought and I generally didn't want to be around anymore. My family had been fighting, my soccer team fell apart before my eyes, and I just felt insecure and very worthless all the time. I started getting panic attacks even though at the time I didn't know that's what they were. Some of my friend's had been fighting before Christmas, but by the time January rolled around everything was okay. I had some great friends who helped me through the next two months of my life, which we by far my worst - at least talking about my mental state of mind. 

During this time there was one person in particular that I had been trying to contact because I knew that they could help. They had been through it too, and then some. But they went to a different school and I thought that they had forgotten about me. I kept messaging them anyway I could think of outside of the mainstream stuff because everything had lost contact with them. I never got a reply. However, I posted a chapter in my first Moments book on January 11th saying that it was good to talk to a best friend that you hadn't seen in a while again. That was the friend. And yes I am talking about jeff_graham30 . We got back in touch that day and he was constantly there and trying to help me out as soon as he heard what was going, just like the other friend's who were there for me that I will mention at the end. 

Around my birthday things had just started to get a little bit better for me. A few weeks later me and Jeff started dating again and I was very happy. That is until my Great Grandmother passed away. We had been pretty close and I'm named after her as well. It hurt. I was off for a little while after that. 

Then a few weeks later I found out that Jeff was still suffering from depression, and it was severe. I won't go into details with that one because that's his story, but that has really impacted me. I stayed up countless nights with him while he was at his worst, and still sometimes do. It's changed him and me a bit as well. But it's okay because according to him and his family, I made a difference. 

In the summer I found out that my mom had cancer. The diagnoses was that it was incurable. Although she is doing alright now, we definitely had some scary moments. She was in the hospital a lot and my whole family was scared. 

On the weekend after the first week of school I got injured playing in a soccer tournament with my team. I don't know exactly what happened, but I came out of the 18 yard box to help looloo1299 and play the ball back up the field...however when I planted my foot my knee twisted around and it snapped. I was on crutches for a few weeks. When I finally got the results of the MRI I found out that I had fully torn my ACL, a crucial ligament for athletes, and there was hardly anything left of it. I would need surgery.

On Halloween my Grandpa died. That one shook me and it really hurt, a lot. He had lived with me for 6 years and I had seen him almost everyday for my whole life. It didn't seem real at first but I really don't know how much I cried. It was devastating for me and my whole family. Thank you to my teammates who came to the funeral viewing and to Jeff for trying to, I really appreciate it. 

When I went to see the surgeon I got even more bad news. I knew the recovery would be at least six months, it normally was. That meant that I would miss some of the season but I might be back to go to the big tournament in Florida my team was planning to go to. But then he told me that recovery was now nine months. So I wouldn't even get to play at all this season. Playing means so much to me and now I wouldn't be able to play again until tryouts. I had to try so hard not to cry right in front of him. He said after some discussion that he will clear me after six months if I am ready...but there's a good chance that I might not be. To make it worse I usually play for school teams and I have gym this semester. FML. I haven't even gotten my surgery yet. I get it on Tuesday...2 more days....

Anyways...my anxiety and depression has been kind of crazy lately. But it's okay. I know that I have some great friends and family and that I will make it through this. It's going to get better. So thank you to my amazing friends for helping me through this. Jeff, IWillSoonFixThat , TheOwlsGirl , CamoDude1 , Connmaster2323 , wolfess21 , kateringette , Lindsey, dumbblonde41, and my friends from outside of Wattpad: Lex, Amber, Liam, Zach, Tierney, Keith, Yiyi, Izzy, Keira, Hugh, Josh, Jeff (one I know from soccer), Julia, and the amazing girls on my team this year. I know that that is a lot of people and although some of them only played minor roles or didn't even know about this, they still helped me. I definitely owe some of them and I am grateful to have them all in my life no matter where some of them are now. 

Anyways, on a bit of a happier note, I have some updates coming. I'll be out of school almost all week because of my surgery so I'll probably get some writing done. Also, I'm planning on starting a multi-fandom imagines book, does anybody have a request? I'll do requests for fandoms including: Harry Potter, The Maze Runner, Twilight, The Mortal Instruments, Divergent, The Hunger Games,  and maybe a few others upon request. I'll post the book once I get my first request. Help me out here guys, lol. Just message me if you have a request or leave a comment. I honestly don't know what to start with. Or any Outsiders imagine requests? Thanks to everyone who has read it since it last update! It's gotten a ton of reads and votes and I'm really happy about that! I'm also starting just a random one-shots book. I already have a couple of them done but I won't post any until I have a few more written but I'm honestly stuck. Does anybody have any ideas? 

Anyways, that's all for this update guys. I hope that this explained a lot. I missed writing, I honestly did, but I just wasn't in a good place and it was very hard for me to get any more than a few words at a time. I got really discouraged. But I'm hopefully back for good now. That's good right? ;)

Hopefully I will get some new chapters up soon. Thank you to you all for sticking with me through this, I love you guys! <3 Until next time, Bookies! - Ella :)