Poems and such

Depression

It's dark in here where I am
My mind, the only hell there is
I can see my past
Yet I see only pain
I see different things that hurt me
I feel every effect it has
I want to leave this hole
I want to escape from its grasp
Yet what would happen if it worked
Would I be alive
Would I have emotions
Would I feel remorse
Most of all, would I be human .
You see that's a funny question .
If I'm not human what am I ?
Wasted space that could have been used wiser
Or
An empty shell waiting for someone to bring life back into my eyes
You see I can't see past the pain or anger
All I see is everything that caused me pain
Question is do I thrive to be human
Or
Do I thrive to feel anything at all .
I wish it were that simple .
Yet life gave me lemons. Old, old lemons.
And I still have then not knowing what to do .
There are times I will sit and think
Why am I here?
If I'm not here for happiness
What am I here for?
Money ?
Fame ?
Family?
Or simply just being there?
I wonder every time ?
Why am I here?
Why am I alive?
What do I thrive for?
What do I die for?
I long for the day I meet death
Yet I'll be much wiser when we meet
And if that time comes early
I hope I won't taste defeat

I can feel it every time I wake up
I can feel every fibre of it leave
I feel it move slower each-time I wake up
Why can't I just be normal
Why can't I dress normal
Think normal
Feel normal
Why can't I just be normal
Instead I'm stuck
Stuck in an empty abyss called life
And it has a grasp on me like no other
I want to leave this abyss
But I know if I do
Others will feel my pain
They will follow the same path
Nobody deserves this pain
Nobody should walk this path
I'm sorry
I'll try harder
I'll try to speak up
Ill try to shout out
I'll try to talk a bit louder
Walk a bit prouder
Ill try to be human