My Sweet Disaster

Fourth Letter.

17 April, 2013.
1:30 AM

Dear Christian,

How are you? I'm feeling quiet good. I was hoping for you to come but Elliot told me that you had to go to Scotland for a competition, it'll be very late. Like three months maybe. He also told me you denied at first but had to go anyway. I'm so happy that you found a nice place where people actually acknowledge you for your potential not for your looks. I can see the people loving you; and it's good for you. You deserve all the love.

I will be graduating on 25th April. For that I'm a bit busy. Because I decided to kill myself after the graduation. At least I will be on those wooden board. My name will be there and whenever anyone will see that, they'd think that I existed, Aveline Greene existed.

Reasons why I want to die is, there is too much that had happened in my life, that time cannot erase. You said time heals all wounds. Yes, it does but time can't erase your memories. And to be happy in life you have to have good memories. This is a big truth some people just never understands. I can't live happily no matter what I do if I can erase these memories from my head. 

I am so tired now. I want to rest, lie in a cold ground so the heat of my pain could go away. But these memories, they're just too much. I can't hold on. And thus I decided to kill myself.

I know, that killing is not an answer. But if--if I could tell you how much I'm going through. My mother abuses me every single night. And her new 'boyfriend' is abusing me. Torturing me. Those wounds won't seem to heal. Either I have to kill them or myself. But I chose myself. I'm not going to kill my mother. No matter what she is, Mrs.Greene; the one you hate the most and I do too, is my mother. I never loved her but I do respect her. 

The abuses are not even my reason. My reason could be that I'm sad. I feel very sad. This sadness will never go away and I don't want it. It's like a heavy burden, like cancer cells. It'll get worse, I have to die.

Today is raining too much it's so soothing. Only nature can feel my presence. You are maybe mad at me because I'm not talking about you. It's because, you are just a blessing who came once in my life and I misused the opportunity. I'm feeling really guilty now. I should've kissed you that time. I should've come with you. I should've done many things. Probably if I did what I didn't I wouldn't be in this position right now 

And to your family; send my love to them. I really miss the good memories you, Elliot and I had made by that lake every single evening we met.

You didn't know that I used to stalk you every day in that lake, before we met in that coffee shop. Your favorite one Starbucks--so cliched, you had a very big craving for that. You sang very well though your accent was a bit awkward. Well don't mind. I'm just kidding. Everything you do is beautiful for me. You are so close to perfection. And I love you.

Now you might ask if I'm not sending these letters then why am I writing, right? Well, the answer is after I'm gone--after I fade away; I want you to read every single words and realize that how it was a disaster and how in this disaster, you made it so sweet. And It became my sweet disaster.

Love From,
Ave.

____________________

Christian couldn't bear this anymore. Her words and meanings were so much painful. It's like Christian was hearing her voice, her crying, her sobbing. There was only one thing left for him to speak, to say "Why didn't you tell me, Ave?"

"I believed in you. I did my best to make you see that it's not over. Then why did you jump? You had me!" He cried out. So much loudly, even all those boys and girls could hear him crying. Everyone knew now who was Aveline Greene.

Christian knew for the first time, it was not his love story. It was a story about someone who was gone..long gone.

A/N : Oh...

I-don't-know-what-i-am-doing-anymore.........Its so sad to think that ...  :'(