Before I Come Undone (SugaxJungkook)

Memories Produce Pain

(A/N: WARNING!!!! Attempted suicide and cutting in this chapter. Also, this story is unedited, so I am sorry for any mistakes)

Yoongi's POV

My eyes widened in surprise as Namjoon turned to me. I sat up, prepared to defend myself.

"Are you upset because I pushed you out of the back? You can have your seat back if you want."

Wordlessly, Jimin grabbed my hand and pulled my sleeve up so Namjoon could see. They both stared down at the fresh wounds on my arm. I shifted uncomfortably under their gazes, I should have been more careful with my sleeves until the cuts had scarred over. 

"You cut yourself again." Namjoon's words were more of a statement than a question, so I just shrugged, pulling my hand out of Jimin's. 

"Hyung, you promised," Jimin said, looking angry. He sighed in disappointment, then turned his back to me.  

Guilt gnawed at my chest. A few months ago Taehyung had found me in my bathroom almost dead from deep cuts on my arms. Since that time, I had promised them to never cut again.

But this time was different.

 I hadn't been trying to kill myself when I cut last night. I only wanted to dull the pain, or at least redirect it. My nightmares had returned, and I couldn't get the images out of my head. They were the reason I had cut the first time. 

The night Taehyung had found me, I couldn't close my eyes without the nightmares appearing. My guilty conscience and my own thoughts would not leave me alone. I had cut myself first to dull the pain and clear the images out of my head, but I kept pushing the razor blade deeper and deeper as my memories of that day kept surfacing.

I wanted the nightmare to end.

The memories weren't just in my head every night as I tried to sleep, but they had haunted me every moment of every day that I lived on. 

I had been ready to die. I deserved to. I shouldn't have been the only one left alive. 

Those thoughts had pushed me over the edge and I had let the razor blade slice deep into my wrist, then watched as my blood poured from my body and down the drain of the shower. 

I had started to get lightheaded, the loss of blood taking its effect on my body when Taehyung had busted through the door. He took one look at me then started screaming for Hoseok. Taehyung didn't stop screaming until his hyung's arms were around him, dragging him out of the bathroom. Jimin and Jin soon replaced the two, grabbing towels and pressing them firmly against my arms while trying to keep me awake.

The image of my friends trying desperately to save me was the last thing I had seen before my world went black.

It wasn't like that this time. I wanted to make them understand that. I needed them to know I hadn't meant to kill myself this time, but guilt at Jimin's betrayed face consumed my mind and I could not produce any sound as my throat quickly dried up. 

Jin, Taehyung, and Hoseok coming back to the truck brought me abruptly out of the past. Hoseok and Taehyung hopped in the back, and Jin got in the driver's seat after depositing the groceries in the bed. He immediately noticed the mood of the three of us and removed his hand from the ignition. 

"What's going on?" He directed the question at Jimin, probably thinking that his bad mood earlier had caused a rift between us. However, it was Namjoon who answered his question.