The Fleeting Happy

Twenty-One

Remember when I said I was relieved about Greene breaking up with me?

I take that back.

Turns out, it wasn't just Montana and Stef showering me with pity— it was just about everyone I knew at school.

All day that day, I'd gotten looks of sympathy from people in the hallways. I'd gotten sideways glances. Hushed whispers amongst friends. Tidbits of "isn't she the girl who was dumped by that stoner? Ouch."

And as if that wasn't bad enough, lunch with my friends under the bleachers turned out to be borderline hellish, with everybody either eating or smoking in complete, awkward silence. There was a very clear division between the girls and the boys, with the girls huddled up sitting on the ground, leaning against the beams of the bleachers and the boys standing several meters away.

As the excruciating lunch period wore on, the distance grew larger and soon, two separate conversations started: one between Greene, Carter, Diego and Owen and one between Stef, Montana and I.

"You don't have to put up with this," Montana told me stubbornly. "If you want, we can go somewhere else. I don't have to be with Carter all the time— not when one of my best friends needs me."

"Same here!" piped in Stef, smoke billowing lazily from her lips. "Fuck Owen, if he thinks what Greene did to you was okay." Despite what she'd said, she threw a flirty wink in her boyfriend's direction.

As for me? I was just confused. "Uh... guys? I'm not heartbroken. Like, at all." At this point, I was growing kind of exasperated.

Montana clicked her tongue. "You poor thing. Putting on a brave face. Well, at the sleepover tonight, you can cry all you want, okay? We're here for you."

In the distance, I was able to just barely hear the guys' conversation. It went something like this:

Carter: "Greene, why the fuck did you break up with her? Now our girls'll be pissed at us. Way to go."

Owen: "Yeah."

Diego: "Speak for yourselves, I'm a lone wolf." He howled like a wolf and then promptly started coughing and retching as soon as Carter punched him in the gut.

Greene: "Dudes... chill. Believe me, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And to be honest? I feel kinda bad now. I mean, I'm a freakin' stud, and I broke that poor girl's heart. Poor Rory, I don't think she's taking the breakup very well. Do you think I should go talk to her? I don't want to, like... lead her on or anything, though."

And then it hit me. Greene must've been telling everybody that I was upset about the breakup. That's why everyone was feeling bad for me.

As soon as I heard that, a disbelieved laugh escaped my lips. All the exasperation and impatience and frustration I'd been feeling since that morning just took control over me. I shot straight to my feet and stomped over to where the guys were standing.

"First of all," I began heatedly, "I'm not heartbroken. I don't know why everyone thinks I'm just this... this... this weepy, hysterical mess over you! Guess what, Greene? I'M NOT! Wanna know the truth? I never even liked you! There! I said it! I wasn't the clingy one in our relationship. You were. And when you broke up with me, I was relieved. I felt like I could breathe again. And here I thought this was a mutual decision, like maybe you just wanted to be friends. Like maybe things between us were good. But I guess not. Why are you lying to everyone? Why are you lying to yourself? Believe me, Greene, you never broke anything of mine. I know you've got crippling insecurities, but it's time to be honest with yourself and with your friends. You lied about me being heartbroken and you lied about losing your virginity. So there."