A Prison from Within

2.

 

I can just imagine their faces when they find out what i’ve done, pure shock and disgust oh how much I would laugh if I could. The two bodies lay in a heap in front of my door, they’re blood staining my floor, and my fingers.  I held their ears in my hands, small pointless objects when they aren’t being used to hear the truth. Nobody hear will listen to your truths, they only care about what they want to hear and when they don’t get what they want they will take desperate measure to make sure your mouth shut. The ears started sticking to my hand, the blood acting like a glue so instead of wasting them, I threw them in the corner for the rats to eat. The light was now making its way into my cell, and I could finally see the mess that I had made and the stench that was filling the room didn’t help either.  Hmm I should have thought about the mess it would make afterwards but oh well, they’ll clean it up at some point. I made my way to the cot which surprisingly only had a light splattering of blood on it and sat down, raking my fingers against what used to be clean new sheets. There isn’t much to do during the day but sit, wait and think back but I don’t like thinking back, especially when it comes to the truth. The truth, ha! what truth is there really? Memories of when I was first brought her came crashing down on me.“Tell me the truth!” Its been hours since they’ve brought me here and tied my hands above my head, leaving me suspended in the air. The smell of sweat, blood, and dirt mixed together in an unusually pungent odor. I could feel the open wounds on my back pulse every time I took a breath, the ripped skin separating further and further. They would ask me questions, questions that I had no answers to but for some they wouldn’t believe what I was telling them. I would fall unconscious soon after each punch or lashing, making it harder to have a conversation. There faces were all a blur, my vision had become fuzzy after one of the smaller guards threw dirt and sand at my face while a different garud held my eyes open and my head still.

“I’m telling you the truth,” my words were slurred and slower than normal, exhaustion was setting in. I would have asked for water if I knew that they would actually let me drink it instead of them throwing freezing water at my face and back. “I didn’t touch her! I couldn’t have.” My please for them to believe me fell on deaf ears.

“Lock him up”  was the last thing I heard before I was hit again, harder this time, making me fall into a blissful unconsciousness. When I woke I found myself laying on the cold, hard, ground with a throbbing head and what looked to be a ratted, brown cloth wrapped around me. I became frantic, running to the door and throwing myself against it trying to break it open but I soon realized that it wouldn’t budge. I knew I was stuck but that didn’t stop me from from clawing at the door and begging for them to release me. From that day forward I vowed to never speak the truth again.

Banging noises from the other side of my door brought me back into reality, the sun finally slinking into my room, showing the mess I had made but still hiding from the door. The guards came with guns to escort me, they didn’t say anything once they opened the door but glared and grunted when I smirked at them with the blood of their friends still caked on my skin. They dragged me along with them, not giving me a chance to catch up at any point until we reached two towering metal doors. I froze when the doors opened and saw what was on his desk. Memories came flashing back one after the other, filling my brain, with past, dark,  sins. A little girl sat playing on an old tattered carpet with unknown stains. Dressed in a slowly graying blue dress and black shoes she played with a small, cracked doll with the utmost of care. I sat in a weak rocking chair sipping black coffee while watching her, I never took my eyes off of her, and asked if she’d like a new doll, a better one. But she just smiled and said that she liked this doll the most. Oh what a lovely smile she had, it always brought me joy. I snapped back from my memory when the guard yanked me forward, making the chains on my ankles rub together. They roughly drag me to a wooden chair but I’m not paying any attention to them. All I can see is the doll that sat perfectly on his desk, staring at me, its ice blue eyes sending a chill down my spine. The man at the desk started talking but I wasn’t listening, my ears were filled with the sounds of a little girls laughter. A sweet melody of laughter came out of her small, thin, form which would warm any heart. She never went anywhere without her doll except for when she slept, I didn’t allow her to have it then. I came in to tuck her in to say goodnight and take the doll back. She had intricate white lace socks peeking out from her shoes, almost like the spider webs that covered the corners of my room.  Strong yet delicate, just like the little girl. She rarely ever cried or yelled, only smiled, thats why she was my favorite.

The soft porcelain of her face glides beneath my fingertips when I take the doll from the girls sleeping form, she stirs but continues to sleep.  How could an old, broken doll bring so much happiness to a child? I don’t think I’ll ever know. The doll was the only thing I allowed myself to touch, it was the only way to be close to the girl without touching her. It smelled of her, like the fresh morning rain but with the still lingering remanence of dust from the attic stuck on her clothes. I wish I could be with her but I promised her that as soon as she goes to into her room I would not disturb her.  Every night before I went to bed I would gently kiss the cracked face of the doll, and every night I would taste the salt from a little girls tears. They’re yelling at me again, trying to bring me back to reality but there is no reality when that doll is here. It shouldn’t be here, it should not be here! One of the guard grabbed my face harshly, turning it to the man at the desk. They wanted me to see but I couldn’t, memories where taking over and there was no way to stop it.  Then they came, breaking down my door to get to the little girl. I couldn’t fight them, they had sprayed my face with a strong substance and tied my hands behind my back. Oh how I screamed for them not to take her but they didn’t listen. They took my little girl. My vision was blurry when they left with her, I could barely see with the tears that were streaming down my face but I was able to get up. I stumbled over the mess they had caused but stopped when I heard a loud crunch. Beneath my feet was pieces of porcelain shattered under my boot.  No, no, not the little doll. They took my little girl and have broken the only thing I would have had to remember her by! Why? Why would they do that to me? What did I do? The little old doll’s face was shattered all about the room, her clean, pure, face now tainted with the dirt off those intruders boots. Her body was unidentifiable in the wreckage, there was nothing left of her, not even her spider web lace socks.The guards had brought out the big guns to get my attention, a lovely little thing they liked to call the awakener, which gave tiny to large amounts of electricity. I used all of my energy to focus on the man at the desk, he was speaking slowly as if I couldn’t understand him.  I started hearing him now, he was talking about how I would be sentenced longer for my actions and how I should even better, be hanged for my actions. But there was something else he added at the end which caught my full attention. “She wants to see you.”