Random Thoughts

Hey there!

|| Don't love unless you're ready to get hurt because loving someone is like giving someone a gun and hoping that they won't pull the trigger to hurt you ||

It all started with a simple "Hi". I wasn't really expecting for a reply. As a stupid piece shit I am, I waited his reply.
JJ replied in a few minutes after I sent him a message. JJ was a new student in our school. He entered during the second quarter and well let's just say he's not a local. We continued talking after that for almost an hour or so.
I had many thoughts running through my mind. I keep on telling my self not to fall for him 'cause I'm just going to end up hurt. Yet I still continued to talk to him.

Weeks passed by and we continued to talk to each other through messaging but yet we have not yet talked to each other in real life. Given the fact that I'm scared as fuck to talk to him at first. My best friend found out that I was talking to JJ. Then she proceeded to tell me that she has a crush on him. So I told her to write him a letter and it can be anything. So later on that day I pm him. But before he already knew about my friend having a crush on him.

I told him to wait at the information for me so that I can give him his letter. I was about to give him his letter but my fucking sister told me to go home cause I'm needed to do some house shit. So I told him that I'll give him his letter next week. The good thing is we won't have class for a day next week because of some games.

So I went inside their classroom to talk to a friend of mine. After a few minutes or so JJ came in with another guy. Let's call him Seth. JJ and Seth went inside the room without noticing that I'm inside and they slept on their chairs -_-. I went to the second floor because the room was getting a tad bit crowded.

I proceeded to message him to meet me in the lockers so that I can give him the letter. I went to the locker area and I saw him with other seniors so I just ran going to the Grade school area passing him. I waited for the seniors to leave for roughly about 2 minutes or so. Then I proceeded to walk towards him and sit next to him since he's sitting on the table. This would probably our first interaction with each other. There was a moment of awkward silence between us. I broke the awkward silence and talked to him. We didn't really talk much... I just handed him the letter and we parted ways.

After that we kept on talking for days even during classes we might even talk and I slowly fell for him. I was ready to take the risk of getting hurt. During this time not a lot of people knew that I was pansexual so I had to keep a low profile. Days of talking and chatting turned into weeks. We both supported each other in any even we participated in.

After those weeks though he started burrowing money from me. So as I love struck bitch, I let him borrow money. The following day Seth paid me back the money that JJ borrowed. After a few weeks JJ had a major problem. He told me that he can't come home and he wanted to borrow money from me and pay in one month. I told him "Why not borrow money from your parents?" JJ replied "My connection was cut with my parents". I replied back "Why not ask help from Seth or your sister?'. JJ replied back "No don't tell them. This is our secret".

He sent another message saying that if he could stay at our house for a month. For me it's ok; but for a whole month?! You might think that it's a dream come true for me but it's not. It's ok for me if it's only for a few days but for a whole month?! that's just too much. Also not telling your own sister about your problem is a very dick move but she found out days after. The bad thing is he made me worry for days and exams are about to start. The added stress was just not good for me.

The problem was solved tho. I don't know how he solved it but he managed to. He didn't go home tho. I was just happy to see him happy. Days passed by and he told me that if he can borrow money from me. I told him no because I'm already heading home. I went back to school right away after noticing that I left something at school. We met at school but I ran because I really needed to get the thing I left.

He messaged me after saying "Were not friends anymore. OK?". I was ready to play the game after that. I replied back "Ok.... It's not like we were friends before". At that point I was like "Fuck It . You're just another lesson given to me by life. JJ messaged me back "Why did you lie to me?" I replied back but he just seen zoned me. He unfriended me on facebook after the whole fight and sent me a friend request again. Like what the fuck is wrong with you? So I accepted It to see what would happened. I apologized to him like a dozen times after that I unfriended him.

I got over him with the help of another senior. But saying sorry to a person even though it's not your fault and that he even doesn't take in consideration that he's my senior is so stupid in my opinion. Weeks passed and we passed by each other and he said my name. I was heading to my classroom when he called out my name but I just ignored him. I messaged him saying "I thought we're not friends anymore so why did you say my name earlier?" he replied "Stop looking at me bitch even though I'm there". At this moment I'm already pissed and my anger sorta got the best of me; I'm kinda glad it did.

The fight continued through chat but I was chatting with him like it was a game. I played it smart. Somewhere in the chat he said "Do you wanna fight Bitch. You can bring all of your friends". At this point I was already laughing like crazy. I just seen zoned him. I was like "Why would I bring my friends in a fight if they didn't do anything to him?

Days passed by and he talked to him again via chat and he like wanted to have a fight with me again. Luckily Seth talked to me though JJ's account and I explained things to Seth and he managed to solve mostly everything that can be solved. After that me and JJ don't talk anymore but me and Seth are in good terms. But the both of them don't know yet that I'm pansexual so I'm just going to keep it to my self.

All I can say is if someone is playing you just go along and play the game. Play it smartly and the cards will be in your favor. Don't waste your effort on someone who doesn't deserve your love for that special someone might still be out there looking for you.