Random Thoughts

Self Doubt

I always used to doubt my self when it comes to mostly performing in front of a huge audience. I'm actually an ambiavert which is like both introvert and extrovert.

This mostly caused me to decline anything that has to do with performing or even going at school events. This made me become more anti social and scared to talk to higher years.

This happened for mostly the rest of my existence until high school. But before high school most of my friends are older than me because I met them through my sister.

Because of that it forced me to be more mature and to be more SPG when it comes to language. I would start cursing at a very young age and be more open to mostly anything.

Well the self doubt ended during high school during our play festival. Well it was my first play festival. Our teacher forces me to act a certain role. I got chosen for a role. But I only auditioned in front of my class so it was just nothing.

When it came to the play it self I started doubting my self. I thought of every negative thing that would happened because we will be performing the last part of the 3 part story in front of the whole high school community.

When my scenes started I kept on telling my self to do my best and stop doubting my self. The small pep talk I gave my self helped me big time.

For me my scenes were ok for a beginner. After everything my classmates congratulated me which boosted my confidence. It also stopped me from doubting my self.

A year later I acted in two plays for the first time. So I doubted my self even more. But when I started to perform I just imagined a new setting. I didn't give a fuck about the audience and I just gave it my best.

A senior approached me after the play which boosted my confidence and that person helped me stop doubting my self.

In short if you keep on doubting your self just find your source of happiness and try to achieve something new for you to help you. For it can help you big time and try giving your self pep talks and just don't give a fuck. Do things the way you want to.