Ten of Me ✓

Fourteen

NICOLE

The next day was Saturday, and I slept in way too late. As the sun rose through my blinds, I stayed curled up in my bed, my blanket thrown over my legs and my eyes squeezed tightly shut. I didn't know what I was trying to will away: what had happened last night, the thought that I'd snuck out, or the idea that I would do so again today for Lauren's party.

Mom cracked open my door at ten thirty, but I remained still, faking sleep. I heard her pad across the room, her sock-clad feet soft against my carpet, and come to a stop beside my bed.

"Nicole, honey," she said, her voice quiet. She extended a hand and rubbed her shoulder gently. "You might want to get up. You don't usually sleep in this late."

I inhaled through my nose, focusing on keeping my breathing steady and maintaining my act of a deep sleep.

Mom rocked me back and forth for a few more seconds, then gave up and headed back across my room. I heard the door shut behind her a few minutes later.

My eyes immediately popped open, and I rolled over to stare up at the ceiling. I thought of staring up at Noah's ceiling, first as Nicole and then as Erin. How had he not known I was Erin? Was he even awake yet?

I extended my hand towards my nightstand and grabbed my phone, then held it in front of my face. There was a new message from him--he'd called just fifteen minutes ago.

Flipping over onto my stomach, I called him back and let the phone ring until he answered.

"Hey, Nicole." He sounded sleepy. I wondered if he was thinking about last night--if he regretted it at all. Did he feel guilty when he talked to me? Did he think Nicole and Erin were the same?

"Hi." I yawned, then blinked my eyes a few times lethargically.

There was a pause at the other end of the line. "You never came over last night," Noah said finally, his voice straining. I knew he was struggling to sound casual.

This meant that not only did he remember the previous night as vividly as I had, but he knew that Erin had been another girl. The news felt like a stab in the chest. How dare he?

"I'm sure you had lots of fun without me," I said coldly, flattening my pillow angrily and then collapsing on top of it.

"Nicole? Is everything okay?"

I thought frantically about how I could confront Noah without sounding like a stalker. Finally, heart pounding, I said, "I know that Erin girl. She felt bad, so she came to me and confessed everything."

"Nicole, I--"

"I'm glad you weren't expecting anyone 'important' last night, Noah. So tell me, did you actually miss me?"

His voice sounded mechanical. "I wasn't thinking, Nicole, I'm sorry. I really wasn't."

"That's no excuse." I felt my voice breaking, and I knew soon I'd start crying again. I hated how much I'd been crying lately, but I couldn't even help it. Noah had known, and he hadn't even cared.

He didn't reply immediately, and I took that time to compose my thoughts. I wouldn't forgive him, wouldn't take him back. He could forget about our date. He could forget it all.

"I'm sorry Nicole, I really am. I was drunk."

Except he hadn't been. I knew he hadn't been.

"Nicole? Nicole, please. I'm sorry. I swear, I'm so sorry."

I thought of his puppy-dog eyes, and how his voice was catching just like mine was, as if there was so much emotion that he couldn't even contain. He truly did sound regretful. And even if he had known Erin and I weren't literally the same, maybe he had known deep down that we really were.