I don't specifically remember in the timeline when this happened but I do believe I was 12 at the time. I was walking downtown with a few of my "friends". They were more or less people I just associated with, more or less acquaintances, as I now believe in hindsight. I'm going to use code names to cover up their real identities. Darcy, David, and Collin were walking ahead of myself, Damian, and Tyler. I liked just being around these people even though I didn't really like Tyler. Tyler was always a jerk to me. He talked to me like I had an IQ of 10 and made me feel very uncomfortable. I just always felt stupid around him. Not because I was, but because he talked to me and treated me like I was an absolute imbecile. Truth is, he's just a jackass. I go to high school with Tyler. He probably doesn't even remember what he did, what he and Damien did. Basically I had a crush on Damien. And of course everybody knew. Damien decided to wrap his arm around my back as were walking down the block and I was like 'hey he likes me oh my god!' I still feel like such a fool. Then all of a sudden someone's hand grabs my ass. Damien is saying Tyler did it, Tyler says Damien did it. I don't say anything. I'm feeling really uncomfortable and actually rather threatened. It happens again, and I feel paralyzed like Damien won't let me go, even though I'm purposely bumping into him and trying to drift off. Why didn't I just say No, and walk off. We were in a public place too, I was so embarrassed. I kind of feel sick writing about this. I don't really remember how the night ends. I know I get home safe, and nothing else really happened. I think it was just more verbal teasing, or should I say verbal abuse, because honestly, that's what it was. After typing this out, I'm tired. Like emotionally drained, and I'm sorry if I'm emotionally draining others as you read this. I hope people know that if anybody ever needs to talk it feels alone, you can message me. I'm nobody special but I've dealt with a lot and I've come a very far way. I'm proud of how far I've come in regaining self confidence, self respect, and self love. I thought I had lost those traits, and sure they aren't fully back because a piece of them will always be gone, but I know who I am, and I know that I am so much stronger than those boys, those fucking idiots. They don't deserve my time, or attention. Those boys don't have a right to my body. I am my own person, my body is my own, and nobody has a right to me. If anybody is feeling down I want them to remember what I just wrote above. You are so much stronger than those criminals. So much more important and loved than them. Nobody has a right to your body, attention, or self respect. Please remember how beautiful of a person you are, and I hope this helps someone. If my writing helps one person, I will be the most honored person in the world because that's all I want to do with my life. I want to help people. I want to make people happy. I want to major in psychology so that I can help kids and teens and just people dealing with anxiety depression ptsd etc. and show them that there is hope. I want to give people strength to keep fighting. Fight for what you believe in. Fight for your happiness, your rights, your life, education, anything that matters to you. Please don't ever give up.
