rolling stone - a love story

four.

4.

ricky.

It's been about three months since I've last seen him. I'm sure he looked different... I'm sure he looked better than he's ever looked and I was to blame for all of it. Maybe he was happier, and that should've made me happier but it only made the pain I was harboring worse. Everything was worse without him. Knowing that I could go back to him any time it suit me helped me push forward –– it gave me purpose. Now, I was stuck trying to drown my sorrows in various types of alcohol. I was stuck. I was finally admitting that I was so fucking stuck and I didn't know how I was going to fix this...to fix myself. I wish that I had his arms around me one more time... I wish that I could hear his voice one more time.... Here I was, pathetic and sad in the bathroom of a raving club. I looked at myself in the mirror, wiping away the mascara that was staining my cheeks. When did I become so pathetic? When did I let myself go like this? I was better off without him trying to pry into my screwed up mind and yet, here I was, crying because I didn't have him anymore.

Maybe if I continued to hold out he'd come to me...

Yeah, he'd come to me.

trevor.

I grabbed ahold of my girlfriends' hand as we entered the club with our friends. Savannah was no Ricky, but maybe that was a good thing. Maybe that's what I needed, even if my heart wasn't all in it. We were entering this place called Rogue, a club Nathan's uncle owned so we could skip the line every night, and believe me there was always a line. It was the hottest club on the coast, and on nights like this it got intense. Sometimes there was a live band, other times there was a DJ but you were always guaranteed a good time. I leaned down, letting go of Sav's hand, "I'm gonna go grab us drinks, okay?" The blonde nodded and pressed a soft kiss to my lips before I nodded to Nathan to follow me to the bar.

"What're you doing with her?" He asked me as we pushed our way to the bar.

I shrugged, pretending like I didn't know exactly what he was asking me. "I'm not doing anything."

"Trev, I know you. No one knows you better than me and believe me when I say you look like...pitiful."

I felt pitiful. "I like her."

"But you miss her."

"Shut up." I groaned. Upon reaching the bar, I ordered our drinks, flashing my ID to the bartender. "I just...she's safe, you know? I know she's not going to be gone when I wake up in the morning."

"Ricky freaked out because she was in love. Maybe she wasn't used to it. She's been through a lot."

I narrowed my eyes at my best friend, "You still talk to her?"

"I don't!" His eyes grew wide. "I swear dude, I stay away from her completely I'm just saying. You never know, one of these days you might run into her and all those feelings you're hiding by fucking with Sav are going to rush back and you're going to be fucked up all over again."

"Thanks Dr. Phil," I rolled my eyes. Maybe he had a point, but I didn't want to admit it. Not to him, not even to myself. I just wanted to move on with my life, regardless of how sad I got over her. "Besides, she's probably long gone by now. She was a rolling stone dude, never stayed in one place for too long. I bet she's moved on too." Even though I hoped that she didn't.

"All I'm saying is, maybe hiding behind Sav isn't a good idea." He shrugged, grabbing our drinks once they were placed in front of us. I wanted to tell him to shut up and mind his business, but I knew that he was right. I knew that he was just looking out for me and I was being a dick. He wouldn't have deserved that. Turning around, I bumped into a body that I didn't feel behind me. I spilled half of my drinks contents onto her, it all happened in an instant. "Holy shit." I heard Nathan say, which made me really look at her.

"Shit, it's fine." The voice said, and that familiar ache in my chest came back. "It's just a drink." She was looking down but I knew her. I knew her very well, and I couldn't pretend that I didn't.

"Ricky?" I asked even though I sounded all choked up. Her eyes looked up and I nearly dropped the glasses in my hand. "Ricky."

"Trevor." She whispered, tucking hair behind her ear. She had been crying, I could tell. The mascara was staining her cheeks and her eyes were puffy. "I'm sorry." Her voice was shaky, and I couldn't tell if she was talking about bumping into me or something else.

I didn't even get a chance to ask her before she was running away from me, pushing through people and heading towards the door. I pushed the half empty glasses into Nathan, and without thinking, I ran after her.

ricky.

I had to get out of there. I needed to go, I needed to be away from him. This time the tears were pouring down my cheeks harder than before and I didn't know how to stop them. I'd get into trouble with my friends for leaving them, and I knew that but I couldn't stay...not knowing that he was there. "Ricky!" I heard a voice call behind me and I only pushed myself further to get out of here. I needed to get out of here. "Ricky, please." Trevor says, grabbing my arm. I turned around and pushed him back. Covering my face I turned away from him and was terribly close to falling to my knees. "Ricky...."

"Stop it!" I snapped. I couldn't hear him say my name again, I just couldn't. "Please, stop." I've missed it so much that I swear I'd go insane if I heard him say my name again. He looked the same. He still had those looks that could kill, that jawline that made me want to kiss him forever. I missed him. God, I fucking missed him.

"What're you doing here?" He asks, as if we just ran into each other in a goddamn grocery store.

I turned around to face him, wiping the tears from my face. "I came with friends. What about you? What're you doing at a club like this?"

"Nathan's uncle owns it." He pauses; I could see the gears turning in his head. "How have you been?"

"Shitty."

"C'mon."

"I'm serious. You asked, I answered. Sorry if it's not the answer you want."

His eyes narrow at me. "Maybe following you out here was a mistake."

"Wow, you're just full of mistakes aren't you."

"You have no right to say any of this." The anger was flashing in his eyes.
"I have every right to say this. I told you I was in love with you and you walked away. I always come back to you, and you? You didn't come back to me...you never came back."

"Trevor?" Another voice came from behind him. It was a female, and I felt my heart break apart in so many different ways I couldn't explain. She grabbed his bicep, looking at me cautiously. She was blonde, tan and beautiful. Everything he deserved, but I wish he didn't have. "What're you doing out here?"

"Just talking Savannah, go back inside." He says calmly, a complete three-sixty to how he was just talking to me.

"No need Savannah," I said looking at her pointedly, "I was just leaving." I shook my head and took a few steps back still looking at him. "Looks like you got yourself that blonde bombshell after all, huh?"