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A Happy ending ?
"You fucking slut" I could hear my dad scream.
"You are not better than me James, I know what you do when you are working late" my mom scream back at my dad.
Could they scream just a bit louder so the neighbors can hear them?
Grrrrr, I hate this, they didn't use to be like this. They loved each other ones I think?
I can't remember any of the happy times any more, it's a bleak point.
I got up from my bed, taking my iPod and putting it in the dock and put on Escape The Fate with This war is ours. Turning up the volume, so I couldn't hear them scream.
Jumping down on my bed again, and moving my pillows to find my secret box a flat little black box.
In the box there are my black book with poems lyrics and fragments of my feelings, and pictures from a forgotten time (childhood when my parents didn't fight) and my knife.
It's my escape form everything, when the knife slice through my skin and let the blood flow, it takes away all the pain and replace it with joy but only for a short time.
Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier just to end it all, just stop existing. That would just be the easy way out, and would I even be able to do it, no I wouldn't.
I took my book and a pen and started writing:
You are hiding yourself behind a mask of smiles and happiness
never to show who you really are
always hiding never showing the real you
you want to show them who you are but what will they do
If they knew the real you, always wear your mask
With pride and joy, Don't let a thing get through or else
Your whole world will go under, and everything will disappear.
I closed the book and put everything back in the box and stuffed it under my pillows again.
Going over to my wardrobe to get my black hoddie, I put it on, taking the hood up. Going out my door grabbing all the essentials, like cell phone, IPod, cigs and my wallet.
Running down the stairs and a few minutes later I was out the door walking down the street, with my iPod blasting "Welcome to Mystery" with Plain white T's, if a place like that existed I would be there in a minute.
Walking down the street looking at all the houses, they all look the same all white and "nice", like every other suburban street, can you say boring!
It all the same people living on the street, everybody wants' the biggest and best, to be the perfect family. They can all hold up their appearance to look like a perfect family, but on the inside everything is falling apart. Just like my life.
10 min. later I was at the park, walking around the dirt roads between the trees is heaven compared to being home. No screaming, no nothing just silence, not quite silence but you know what I mean. In the middle of the park there is a playground, that's where I was headed. When I got there, there was no people around, it was a bit creepy, but I didn't care right now I just wanted to be alone.
I sat on one of the swings, and started pushing myself back and forth. I took out my iPod, and put on It's just me with Escape The Fate , and started to sing along;
I'm creeping my way out so you can see me
I'm crawling my way around a thousand cities
You all stop and stare
I don't need your pity
I'm living my life in this hell.
Now I'm crawling away 'cause the stress has killed me
I feel like I fell from a ten story building
You best run and hide before the devil starts forbidding
I'm living my life in this hell
I'm not one for the crowd to see
It's just me
It's just-
Just a little more, come on and satisfy me,
Just a little more, come on and terrify me,
Just a little more and I'll be done with it
Take my life and then I'll feel okay
Cut it out of my mouth,
Put my tongue on the pole,
I won't sing anymore,
I'm losing control.
Cut it out of my mouth,
Put my tongue on a pole,
Take the air from my lungs,
Take the heart from my soul.
I'm not one for the crowd to see,
It's just me,
It's just
Just a little more, come on and satisfy me.
Just a little more come on and terrify me.
Just a little more and I'll be done with it,
Take my life and then I'll feel okay,
Okay, I'll feel okay.
Okay!
Cut it out of my mouth,
Put my tongue on a pole,
I won't sing anymore,
I'm losing control.
Cut my tears of the sound,
The erosion of my soul,
I won't sing any more,
I'm creeping my way out so you can see me
I'm crawling my way around a thousand cities
You all stop and stare
I don't need your pity
I'm living my life in this hell.
Just a little more, come on and satisfy me,
Just a little more come on and terrify me,
Just a little more and I'll be done with it,
Take my life and then I'll feel okay,
Just a little more, come on and satisfy me.
Just a little more come on and terrify,
Just a little more and I'll be done with it,
Take my life and then I'll feel,
Take my life and then I'll feel,
Take my life and then I'll feel okay!
