Perfectly imperfect

12. No right to judge

12. No right to judge.

4:37 am.
That's what the clock in the hotel room showed. It had been 7 minutes since I woke up. My head hurt when I moved it and my forehead was beaded was sweat. There was no one else in the room and I couldn't fall back asleep. So I counted sheep in my head hoping it would help. But it didn't so I resolved to stare at the flickering of the light entering the room from the window.

There was a noise, the door opening maybe, Spencer or Sean. I turned my head and blinked.

"Hey, what are you doing up?"
"Where were you?"
"I left some Advil and water on the table for you?"
"Where were you?"
"Needed some air" he shrugged handing me the water.
I chugged down the water and Advil while he laid down on the other bed.
"Sean?"
"Hmm?"
"Will you miss me? When you go off to college I mean?" I asked turning over to face him.
"Nah, I'm dying to escape that nasally annoying voice of yours" he laughed.
And he was rewarded with a pillow in the face.

"What did I ever do to make you hate me so much huh? We are leaving in two months and I just wanted to know you why you hate me so much." I asked
"I don't hate you Lex, it's just fun to annoy you you know, but don't worry, I got your back if you ever need it." He said staring at me.

"Thanks"
He smiled at me. I smiled back. And then I closed my eyes.

---

8:23 am.

My alarm had gone off eight minutes ago. I got up and relieved my parched mouth with some water. Sean was already in the shower so I grabbed the hoodie from the chair slipped it over my tank and got the room card,phone and wallet and left.
The nearest Starbucks was right across the street and as I opened the door, I saw Zach there waiting in line.
He looked up and saw me and smiled.

I waited in the back until he brought back four cups of coffee.
"Feeling better?" He asked me handing me my cup.
"A bit. What happened last night?" I asked taking a sip.

"Well, Spencer had a cat fight, you got dunk and stripped for Sean, and me? I was sober" he said feeling proud.
"I did what?!" I shrieked as realisation hit me. Stripping? For Sean? Why don't I just dig myself a hole and crawl into it.

"Yeah well at least that's what I heard." He said as we reached the hotel.

I barged in to Spencer room and slammed the door in Zach's face. Surprised, Spencer turned around and rolled her eyes when she saw me.
"Did you know I got drunk and did a strip tease last night , and in front of Sean too. Is there anything worse I could've done. I should not drink. Why do you let me drink? I just want the earth to open up and swallow me. Now I won't hear the end of it. God, Sean probably took a video too. My life is over! Spencer say something. It's your moral duty as my best friend to make sure I am sane and I am so not sane!" I yelled at her.

"Ok you need to shut the fuck up" she said in a really dangerous tone that scared even me.
"I know this is none of my business , I know I will regret this and it's huge mistake but I swear your behaviour is getting on my nerve and I really can't stand it any more so I'm just going to say it. Are you fucking blind? Lexi, he loves you, he's been in love with you since you were six. See how none of his relationships never last and all his girls end up hating you , coz they're jealous! They can't have him and you're completely unaware of his feelings. He's been quiet and acting like a guardian angel coz he knows, he knows you won't ever love him back, because of your stupid believes and the pain of that makes him hate you. So please please Alexis, and remember I say this with all the love in the world, get your head out of your ass and get your shit straight. Jesus! That felt good. " she says and sits down on the bed hugging me.

I just sit there, stunned. Sean loves me? This cannot be happening. The same Sean that pushed me off a tree, tripped me in the hallways, teased me at every chance, the same Sean that pushed me in the pool a couple of weeks ago? I really couldn't believe it.

"Honey, I know it's a lot to take in, so maybe just think it over alright?" Spencer said squeezing me one last time before getting up to finish packing again.

I got up and walked out slamming my door on my way out. Maybe that's my new thing ,slamming doors.

Thankfully, Sean wasn't in the room and I could finish packing in peace. All the time I was thinking about everything Spencer had said. Thinking of reasons why she was wrong. But every time , I always had an explanation for his behaviour.

Some time later, Spencer walked into my room and sat on my bed staring at me.

"Why now?" I quietly ask her.
"Well because last nights stripping was like you mocking him and I could clearly see his pain and I thought when we go off to college you guys won't see each other a lot and if there was even some spark this might be the perfect time " she replied.

"Also, I couldn't stand you hating him any longer." She added.
"Well I don't hate him, I'm just not particularly excited by his existence." I replied. It was right. If he did as Spencer say actually loved me, he wouldn't have tortured me and made my life so miserable for all these years. We could've stayed friends. We could've even just remained acquaintances.

"You know Spence, him loving me as you say so doesn't make up for all the crap he caused in my life for the last years, so I don't care how much of pain he's in, I could've given it a thought but after really thinking, I didn't deserve all the bullying, I didn't deserve the humiliation and the hate, so excuse me if I choose to not forgive and continue being a bitch, because it's my choice and I am the one who's been through it, not you, not Zach and certainly not Sean, you guys just laid back and enjoyed show" I fire back, grabbing my suitcase and back pack and once again slamming out the door.

Zach was waiting near the car so I shoved my bags in his arms and crawled into the back seat. I put on my music and closed my eyes. I was inches away from crying but I couldn't, I had done the right thing. They didn't understand how it felt to be so humiliated on the inside, but not showing it. They didn't know how it felt have a Mom like mine. Always trying to please people but never feeling good enough. It was suffocating, putting that mask and bold face on every morning when you were dying inside and I had done enough of it. They had no right to judge me.

I was done. I give up.

---
Hello birdies!
Another chapter! Everything's out in the open now. All emotion and feelings. What do you think? Is Lexi right to be mad or should she just forgive Sean, comment your views.
Also guys, please could you check out my new story' 'Faded'. It's a drama romantic teen fiction story. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks!

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Aria :)