Lies of a Story Teller

The Beneficial Age of Technology

This is a satire I wroote for my English teacher. I actually found it really difficult to get right and I still don't know that it's what I was wanting when I sat down. It's a little strange, but I suppose that's the idea. Enjoy! - FO97

It’s a modern age that we live in. Computers, cell phones, iPods, instant messaging, instant money, instant mail, instant information. . .it occurs to me, then, that there are many things missing from our instant lives. Where are instant babies? And instant food? And instant transportation? It’s sad to say that these parts of our instant lives will have to come later and we will probably never be alive to see them. However, we do have many instant advantages in our lives and it is my belief that we need to make better use of them and here is my proposition on how.

            Let’s break it down, shall we? Answer me this. What is the first thing that child learns to do? Communicate. Think about it. The moment a baby is born, a very common reaction is for the baby to begin crying. Crying is a form of communication that allows the parents to know that the baby is in some sort of distress. But isn’t crying beginning to get old? Who wants to hear a baby scream and howling? Nobody. Yet here we are in the age of computers and technology. We don’t have to listen to a baby cry!

My proposition is simple. Shortly after birth, the parent will hand their newborn infant off to a teacher. Unfortunately, until wireless brain implants are invented, the old fashion in-person instructor will have to do. The teacher will quickly set to work teaching the child everything she knows about our brilliantly advanced modern world. The teacher’s job is relatively simple. Infancy, being an ideal learning age, will be perfect to begin introducing such skills such as the use of a cell phone, web surfing, e-mail, and all the various ways to retrieve information.

Think of the benefits of such a development! Children would be learning to read before their first birthday. Familiarity with the web will allow a child to make consumer decisions on clothing and food, bringing about financial awareness and security (something that all too many adults lack now). Just imagine how much knowledge a child will have before the age of 4 or 5! A smart child will comprehend the complete workings of several aspects of life. Politics, current events, the human body and all its functions; the child may even have a career plan laid out for themselves! And you need not worry at all about social skills in these new age children. Socializing across networks like e-mail and Facebook will bring about incredible communication skills in young adults, further raising their chances for being hired in a job.

The benefits of early technological education go even further than this. For example, because life across the web would be so quick, a person need never have physical human contact again. No more awkward first encounters, no more angry spiels between parents and their teens, and, of course, no more crying babies. This would be especially effective among family members. A mother could summon her child to the laundry room in mere seconds through text messaging, not only providing information on what job needs doing, but the mother also has the option of outlining exact steps for those children whose ears are not always open. A busy father (such as a CEO or traveling politician) would be able to view their child’s soccer game without leaving their busy office. Brothers and sisters will no longer be fighting because the simple “block” feature in most programs would allow them to choose whether or not they should tolerate each other. And because babies would learn to communicate (possibly with emoticons and simple phrases to begin with), there would be no need for them to cry any longer.

Chat rooms and texting both do nicely for those individuals hoping to find that special someone. Two people can quickly and effectively get to know one another without the awkwardness of blundering a word or embarrassingly making a mistake of some sort that would be detrimental to the future relationship. Dates would be very cheap and easy as well. The couple needs only warm their microwavable dinners (tasty and quick meals for any occasion) and log into their Netflix account to watch movies instantly. Not only does this sort of intimate communication result in possibly getting to know the love of your life, but even helps to keep the world from overpopulated because the temptation to conceive would be removed.

Now imagine marriage in a new age world. Instead of a couple being forced to live in the same home and tolerate each other for the remainder of their lives, two people can live happily in two different places. Imagine this. A man who is recently married to his wife (probably by the use of Skype by this point in the future) perhaps would like to live in a warm, sunny climate. But then the said wife disagrees. She wants to live someplace with a large amount of rain and clouds. In traditional relationships, the man would be bullied into following his wife off to his damp and gloomy doom or the woman would feel some sort of obligation to her husband and leave to her sweltering and UV induced misery. However, through the use of technology, the man can happily live in LA and the woman can go off to live in Seattle. Then the two can continue their relationship how it likely began; across texting, e-mail, video chats, and social networks, leaving both individuals happy with their lots in life and in a lifelong relationship that both can enjoy.

Replacing our current lives with technology has all the beneficial possibilities that any American could imagine. Just think. Ordering groceries across the internet, school buildings becoming obsolete in favor of video interactions, fewer gas bills because all travel could be done across the internet, our children becoming smarter, happier relationships among families and couples. . .the possibilities truly are endless. I only hope that you can view my visionary ideas with the same positive fervor.