Pure

Chapter 3: Run.

If emotions were people, I'd be anxiety. The constant feeling in my stomach of being dead wrong has followed me through every class and activity I've done for as long as I can remember. Heading into Grace's car brought the same feeling to the surface. Where do I sit? What if I say something weird? Should I not talk? Or would it be worse to be labeled as the lame quiet girl? I'd like to say that that label had lost its own power years ago, and though the words "lame" and "innocent" were almost constant adjectives to describe me, (that came from Casey) the words still stuck when they were shot in my direction. "Can I just wait in the car?" I tried hissing in Casey's direction. I wasn't sure if she heard me, but it was clear Ezra did by the sour look on her face and the quick glance she stole at Casey, though that may have been by her own accord. "Don't be lame," she said the remaining word like it was a deadly weapon. This time was no different, and of all things, her words hurt more in the presence of other people. Immediately, I shut down, making a vow that I wouldn't speak unless spoken to again that night. I also made the realization that that was a goal I was bound to break, but it would prevent the stupidity from flowing out of my mouth for at least a moment while I collected my thoughts.
"Fuck yeah," I heard someone say as I felt the base in the car start to tremble my seat. The music blasting and windows down, we barreled down the street, a trail of exhaust and out of tune singing following in our wake.
These songs weren't anything like the ones I was used to; but I wasn't surprised, my music library mostly consisted of acoustic renditions of the most popular and many original songs. Even so, I found myself singing to most of the songs that were played throughout the duration of our car ride; even if it was only a few lines here and there, occasionally an entire chorus or verse. And sometimes, I faked it until I made it. Or at least, I hoped it looked that way.
There really is a certain power to a bunch of strangers being all crammed in a small space together, singing at the top of their lungs. There was something electric in the air that was making me smile, something that was actually making me enjoy myself. I guess singing together really does emotionally bond you to people because I was out the car door and walking through the doors of our neighborhood drug store without a second thought.
Well, almost.
We'd reached the condom aisle and Grace was having no problem dumping one of every size, brand and... flavor? Into her basket. I watched as Jordan tossed one into the basket from a hardly impressive distance, still high-fiving with Riley as he spun around. I, however, wasn't nearly as easy going as the rest of the group, and I felt myself looking around, frantically at times, to see if I recognized any of the other customers around us. I was afraid of being caught; that much I knew. Of what exactly, I'm not sure; it's not like we were doing anything illegal. Yet.
I swallowed hard and forced myself to concentrate on the somewhat organized commotion of Grace and the rest of the crew in front of me, ignoring the movement and resisting the urge to turn my head towards the other shoppers as they browsed around us.
"Ha, ha, you guys!" I heard as voice call as we all turned our heads in that direction. Ezra and Casey seemed to be laughing ridiculously at something as Ezra waved something in our direction. "What's so funny about an M&M packet?" I heard Jordan murmur my same thoughts aloud. Almost as soon as he'd said it, they were gone, "shit" flowing off his lips almost as fast as they were running towards the exit. I must've- no, I know- I stared at him with a deer-in-the-headlights expression, to which he replied, "They're ahead!"
That was all it took to be compel the remains of our group towards the checkout, each of us silently willing the checkout clerk to scan each item just a millisecond faster in hopes of giving us more time to gain on the two.
"Fucking lesbos," Riley said, grumbling about his temporary loss.
Grace looked at him like he'd sprouted six heads and she was deciding which one to slap first. Evidently, she didn't have time to decide because the clerk was asking for her card and the rest of them were halfway out the door. Distracted and conflicted, I sprinted, or rather, jogged because linoleum floors and quite slick and I'm not much one for running, after the rest of the group.
We met in the parking lot, Grace not too far behind. I heard the crinkling of a wrapper coming from Riley's jacket and Jordan turned expectantly at me.
"Well?" he questioned.
"What?" I parroted back at him.
"Did you get it?"
"Get what?"
"Oh, my god, El-la" he separated my name in two parts, like he was scolding a dog. He closed his eyes before springing into action once again.
He launched himself back towards the entrance of the store, dodging an elderly lady as he raced back in. I turned back to the group, brow furrowed, as Casey and Ezra walked up. Casey, chewing on her stolen candy, no doubt, mirrored my puzzled face back at me. Riley grinned and tore open a red packet of peanut butter M&M's with his teeth, pouring some into Grace's outstretched hand sharing a smug look between them. I whipped back around, my new realization taking form, just in time to see Jordan huffing towards our group with a shiny green packet of mint M&M's in hand. For a brief moment I felt like slapping his shoulder for committing a felony like the rest of them, but I thought better of it and ended just shaking my arms to roll down the sleeves of my sweatshirt and staring at my shuffling feet against the tar of the parking lot. There really wasn't time for me to grab a coat back at the house, with our mad dash to the drugstore and all. That, combined with the cold air and the hot flush of embarrassment that had rushed to my cheeks made me really regret my decision. I shivered.
Jordan tore open his packet proudly, and I declined the varied shades of green that came from his clammy hands; I didn't want anything to do with his stolen merchandise. I tucked my hair behind my ear, a nervous tick that I'd developed some time in the seventh grade and a habit I hadn't retired since. Jordan shrugged it off.
"So, how's our-" Jordan began.
"DUDE!" Riley suddenly hollered, leading us to all swivel our necks in his direction to see what his reasoning was. Almost as quick as it took our brains to register the old clerk from the store emerging from the entryway, I felt my feet pick up as much speed as they could muster in my ugg boots as we scurried towards the car.
Out of breath and full of adrenaline, I didn't bother with my seatbelt as we all piled into the car. We were barreling down the street and through the first two intersections before anyone had time to form a coherent thought in regards to what had just happened.
"Oh. My. God." Casey said.
Finally; we were back on the same brainwave.
"Yeah," agreed Ezra as they both shared a silent smile between them. I felt my stomach turn.
"Hey," Jordan said, leaning over to the seat in front of him to whisper at me, apparently. "What," I hissed back at him, not enjoying his breath that was tickling the inside of my ear.
"You should check that one off." I rolled my eyes. I really hated using my cell data.
"Can't you-" I began. "Fine," I huffed, changing my mind mid sentence. He wouldn't care that mi Madre couldn't pay the overage fees. I opened my notes tab on my iphone and began to type out our crime.
"What next?" Riley asked, almost too eagerly. It was sad how excited he sounded.
"I have a way we can all get this shit done," Casey said mysteriously.
"What?" I asked. Her and Ezra started giggling uncontrollably. "You'll see," was all she said, giving me a look before turning back to Ezra and creating a cloud of whispers.
I hated when she got that look in her eye. She'd scrunch up her eyes and turn her head just so, almost to where you couldn't see her pupils, and she'd look off into the distance. It was like she was contemplating the meaning of life or some Plato shit like that, looking down at her far more inferior comrades like peasants that surrounded her royal highness, and pitying them for being so unbelievably stupid. Her eyes would land back on your face and you'd feel instantly wrong, a hot pit of shame burning deep inside your stomach, and you'd physically flinch at the sound of her voice.
"Nothing," was usually the answer.
"Anything but," was always the truth.
That was the look she gave me.
I looked back to see what I was missing. A pair of lips. Two, actually. Mashing together. Slurping sounds bounced between them. I blinked. Black. And then two people. Together. I snapped my head around.
Deep breaths. Deep breath.
"What, are you retarded or something?"
"Um, sorry what?"
"What street is your freaking house on?" Grace tapped her foot against the gas pedal. I snapped back in.
"Oh, um," I took a glance around. Grace waited at the stoplight for my answer. "Left," I said slowly, not wanting to delay us any longer. "Just go to my house," Ezra said. "It's the next street over. My brother's not home," she said, her smile encaptured in her voice. "We're gonna get wasted to-niii-ght!" Someone hollered through the reflection of the window pain. I was too busy staring at the yellow line that was weaving through my vision to notice. I hoped that didn't have to include me.