Using You

Do they know I'm aggravated with the negativity and the noise?
They tell me "Find a wealthy man"
But they don't seem too happy

Am I naïve to think that he could be the love of my life?
There is a voice inside my head that's tellin' me that it's right
I never thought I'd tell him
How scared I am of losing him...

You're the only one
Who's making me come
To my sinful senses
I'll never love
Anyone the same
I'll never feel ashamed
Of using you for pleasure

I was afraid to put myself on the line for a boy
Until he put me in my place and showed me how to enjoy
Myself, I think I need your help
I think she's coming back

I love you and I hate you and I'm losing my mind
And you tell me all the time that this will pass and that I'm gonna be fine
We're such a mess together
You make me lose my temper, oh...

You're the only one
Who's making me come
To my sinful senses
I'll never love
Anyone the same
I'll never feel ashamed
Of using you for pleasure

Someday we'll both be older
I wonder if we'll be together looking back on the past
But I don't care if I don't live to see another day
I love you in the worst way

You're the only one
Who's making me come
To my sinful senses
I'll never love
Anyone the same
I'll never feel ashamed
Of using you for pleasure

Of using you for pleasure

Of using you for pleasure. 

I finished singing with a sigh. I set my guitar on it's stand and went downstairs to my room mates Hercules and Lafayette who were sitting in the living room . Laf commented on my song "do you plan on,how would you say it surprise Thomas with it." Lafayette is a French man his real name is Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de La Fayette, Marquis de La Fayette. He has a comma in his name! "No Thomas will never know about this." Thomas is my boyfriend of two years this September. We used to hate each other in high school but we ended up going to the same college and fell in love. 

I can't let him know about this because he doesn't know I play guitar or sing.  I know it isn't healthy to keep secrets in a relationship but I am worried that he will judge me or I won't be good enough for him. I got a text from Thomas about five minutes ago that he would be at my house soon. I sat on my bed and told him that I'll be in my room when he gets here. 

I heard him when he got here talking to Lafayette. They're friends from when Thomas went to France. I could hear the thud of his feet against the stairs and curled up into a blanket closing my eyes. "Mon petit I'm here." He said peeking his head through the door. Lafayette, Thomas, and I all speak french. Hercules does not. I am the only who speaks spanish though I tried to teach him he gave up soon after. 

"Baby girl are you awake." he asked now stepping into the room. I grunted in response to let him know that I'm awake. He laid down in the bed and wrapped himself around me taking the blanket off my face. 

"Are you alright is something wrong" He asked turning my head forcing me to look him in the eyes. I shook my head no and tried to turn back around. "I'm just not feeling well." Which was true I currently felt like death ran over me with a truck. "Have you gone to the doctor?" Thomas asked climbing under the blankets with me. " No I'm sure it's just a cold I am an adult I can do this" Thomas was now curled around me "Babe you forget to eat most of the time how can i trust you with this." I laughed at turned around to face him "I love you and you mean the absolute world to me also wanna go downstairs and watch a movie with the rest of the gang?" He laughed while running his hands through my hair. "I love you too with all my heart,sure I'll watch a movie,and might I say I love the way you said gang." He kissed me and pulled my hair and things might have escalated from there. 

"I GOT BURGERS" Gilbert yelled in an American accent running in through the door. For some reason the thought of burgers right now sickened me and I got up from my spot on Thomas' lap and ran to the bathroom vomiting up my guts. After I was finished I walked out and Thomas was waiting for me in the hallway. "We're watching Heathers,Alexander are you sure you're okay you're not relapsing again are you." I looked at Thomas and he had a look of fear of his face. "NONONONONONNO Thomas I promise you , It's just the thought of eating burgers made me sick I promise you I'm fine I'll go eat to show you" Thomas pressed me against the wall "You don't need to babygirl I'm just making sure. You're not hiding anything from are you?"