Shhh.....

Meet My Mom

  I start walking my bike to my fence and I lock it up. Then I start walking to the door to get inside where its not covered in snow. I hate the cold. Then I feel snow hit me in the back of my head.  I turn around to see my dad in the yard. "Wasn't me." he said. "Wasn't you my butt." I say thowing a snowball back at him. I laugh when I hit him and he falls back onto his butt. I feel another snowball hit me. But my dad didnt throw this one. I turn to see my mom. She is still in her police uniform. I throw a snowball at her too. But she dodged being the awesome lady she is. "How was school today kiddo." My mom asked. I replied with, "I have homework. I should go do that." I start walking to get to the door when i feel another snowball hit me. "Homework later. Right now it's family time." My dad said. We all start throwing snowballs at each other.
  When that was over I went inside cold and numb. My mom made hot chocolate for us all. "How was work today, mom?" I asked. "Well, there was a lot of paper work after a little petty crime. And thats why I had to leave early." I nodded in understanding. I have never been envious of my mom's attention to her work. I know she loves me. She just-
   Bang, bang.  The sound of guns shots filled the air.  My mom grabbed her gun and ran outside. I didn't like it. The thought of her in danger. "Mom, wait!" I yell. I start running after her but my dad grabbed my arm not letting me join the fight.
   I the back run into our living room and stare out the window.  There is a man with a bandana over his face and wearing a hoodie so I couldn't see him. He has a gun. The other officers that worked with my mom where there. Taking shelter behind the cars.
   Bang, bang. The man shot again. My mom moved to shoot back....one final bang.  He shot my mom. One bullet through the side of her head. Everything around me seemed to slow down. I couldn't think straight. Then I finally caught up to reality and a sharp pain squeezed at my heart.
   "No!" I yell at the top of my lungs running outside to my mothers side. Ignorant to everything else going on around me. Blood slowly leaked from the corner of her mouth. "Mom!" I yell. I can't believe it. "Rose," she struggles to talk. "I love you and your father so much." She said in a last goodbye tone. "Mom. No! Mommy please stay awake for me!" My voice cracked and tears flowed from my eyes like hot water falls. Her eyes started to close. "Mom? Mom! Please!" she stopped breathing. No.
    "No." I whisper. Then I scream, "No!" An African American police officer I knew named Dave tryed to pull me away from my mom when I started to have a panic attack. 
   I fought to try and stay with her. A million thoughts buzzed in my head about how this is my fault and that I could have saved her. And now. She's gone.
    An abulance came and took her away. I cried. I sobbed. I just sat their on my knees a broken mess hoping that my mom would be ok and that know kiss from my school could see me in the middle of the street so broken. I know, I know I will never see her again. When someone you love dies, it just felt like the bullet that hit my mother's head went straight through my heart instead. I knew she was gone. I didn't even notice my dad who was now kneeling next to me trying to calm me down by rubbing my back in soothing rhythms. But I can't calm down. Why didn't I do anything? I wish I had a reset button to fix all of this. How could things go to so good to so so terrible?
    I looked over to where the man who shot my mom was. But he was gone. In all the chaos he must have run away. Coward. Now I have to be the strong one and live with the sight of my mother's dead body stitched into my brain to be forever haunting me like my own shadow shadow. Me unable to run away from it.
    My breathing grew quicker and I tried to calm down but it was working. Everything was just moving so fast I couldn't catch up. Every time I tried to take a breath a wave of guilt and sadness and remorse pulled me back down were I couldn't breath under the waters of depression. I can't live with this. I...I.. Everything went black. I hyperventilated. I wish I could just stay in this blackness forever, never to be awake again. Never having to face reality again...