i stumbled back, my eyes were wide as my shoulder blades slammed against the wall in a desperate attempt to get away from you, from what had just happened. my hands were cupping my right cheek when you came up to me with tears in your eyes, my own were glazed over with fear, my feet weighed down with cement blocks of the situation keeping me in place.
my mouth gaped open as i stared straight, eyes not focused on anything. i could make out the blur that was your face. it was in front of mine but still my eyes refused to focus, my state of shock overwhelmed me.
"nova, nova. please, i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to. i love you, i'm so sorry," my eyes snapped back onto yours. you kept repeating the words over and over again, making sure i knew how sorry you were.
my lips locked together, i sunk down to the floor as my body caved and crumpled on itself. you followed me down as you slithered your arms around my shoulders, my body barely assessed your touch.
slowly, i looked into your eyes, my fear shining through. you winced when your eyes met mine as if you were the one that had been smacked.
"i'm so sorry nova, i didn't mean to, i-i just lost control," your lips started to tremble as you said this, my heart was aching for you no matter how much my cheek ached from your hand, it didn't matter to me. i had put you above myself. that was one of my biggest mistakes.
my hand trembled as i reached up to thread through your hair as i felt you relax a bit. i forcefully twitched my lip up into a weak smile. i kissed your nose as you ran your finger down mine, my eyelids instinctively fluttered.
"i'm sorry, you know that right?"
i did know that. i knew how stressed you had been. you were having a hard time dealing with money to pay our rent. you were struggling in college. your mum had been in the hospital for some time. you and i had been barely holding onto our relationship but we were too far in already. we had started our life together and it was too late to start over with someone new. i had wanted to be anything you needed. i loved you and the situation wasn't going to change that. at least, i had thought so.
"i love you luca," i tried to steel my voice, strengthen it, but it wavered and trembled like a sapling in a strong wind. my eyes watered and i pushed the tears back, trying to be strong for the both of us. my fingers had still been in your soft hair as your eyes were imprinting my own into your mind. you lifted your hand up to stroke my purpling cheek, i flinched unintentionally and your hand had stilled for a moment then continued on to lightly run your fingertips over the swelled bruise. your touch was barely felt by me, opposite to your prior actions.
"do you forgive me?" you asked as tears were falling from your eyes, my hand moved up to wipe them away with the soft pad of my thumbs. your hand was still stroking my cheek lightly as if you were afraid i was going to break and you were trying to fix what you just shattered.
"of course, i always will", the words were choked out as i grabbed your hand from my face and pulled it to my lips to kiss your palm.
i wanted to help you, and us, through it. help you through any of your troubles. you were my world before you shattered us but i was willing to desperately put all of the pieces together. i was willing to do anything.
was.
