LeafyIsHere x Reader - Mall Meeting

Dead Lizard....?

    --Authors Note: Leafy...if you ever see this, it is a joke. I don't want to write this but I want reads, because I've noticed people like Leafy fanfiction, but if you read most of it, this story will take its turn for the worst.--

     You were walking around the mall, alone, as usual. Nobody really wanted to hang out with you because of your liking of the famous youtuber, LeafyIsHere. Everyone thought he was a racist, child abusing bastard with no life. But you saw a little awesomeness through his eyes. You decided to get some coffee, and contemplate your life. You a got a crappo-chino (because you don't like them but you want to make yourself suffer.) You sat down, and from across the mall you heard people screaming. 

"Racist bitch!" "You used me!" "WHY IS MY CHILD IN YOUR BASEMENT!????" multiple statements like these were shouted. You then saw a young man run into the mall coffee shop. You wanted to make sure he was ok, so you walked into the shop and saw the man sitting in the corner with a small green reptilian on his head. 

"Can I pet it?" You asked. 

"Uh, what?" He replied.

By his sarcastic tone, you soon realized it was Leafy.

"LEAF----" You were cut off by a hand over your mouth.

"Sh. A lot of people here hate me, so please keep quiet. Just call me Calvin. These people hate me, so they weren't smart enough to figure out my real name."

"Ok...?" You say.

"So... what do you like to be called?" He asks.

"I'm (Your name)." You reply.

"Come back to my house." He says.

"Why..? No." You reply. But quickly realize that he put a dirty, wet, gym sock over your nose, then you blacked out. You wake up in a basement with a green, dead, bearded dragon in the corner, with "Leafy used me" on his back in black sharpie. 

"Wtf?" you mumble. 

"What sweetkins?" He says next to you on the basement floor.

     You explain to Calvin that you can't just kidnap people, and you need to ask first. He agrees, and takes you upstairs and feeds you a pb&j sandwich with fat-free milk. He starts to twirl your hair, saying that it feels like spaghetti. You soon touched his hair, and you told him that is felt like under cooked rice. He was very angry with you, so he grabbed a book, and he threw it at you. The slap sounded similar to when you slap a slab of steak. You flew off the chair you were sitting in, and picked up the book he threw, entitled "Youtube for dummies." You looked  at Calvin with devilish eyes, and he scrunched his nose in amusement. You soon were onto your feet, walking towards Calvin with the book. You take the book, and aim it right at his chin. You threw it, you missed even though you were 3 inches away from him. His little lizard friend in his head screamed at you. (If you want the real effect, go onto YouTube and search Gecko Scream, it should be the first video.) 

"Great. I pissed off the lizard." You said.