Rebeca's Book Of Thoughts

The Silence

It's 2 a.m.

The silence seems to follow me where ever I go.

The world outside is busy with life.

People laughing and drinking.

People crying. And people lying.

But here I am again. In a house full of people I barely recognize these days.

I lay quietly in my bed, waiting for exhaustion to put me to sleep.

But as I close my eyes, the thoughts plague my mind once again.

I am not who I seem to be.

I am not happy, I am not free.

But the smile on my face hides it all.

My insecurities, my fears and the depression I am forced to face every single day.

But I'm still alive. I'm still okay.

Though I'm barely hanging on.

In this room, I feel suffocated.

Suffocated with silence on the ends of my "loved" ones.

My breathing becomes harsher every time I am left alone in my silence.

Barely breathing.

These thoughts won't leave me alone.

They are ripping away my joy.

Leaving me with a bitter sweet nothing.

I am left alone in the silence once again.

Its 3 a.m.

Its the same old pattern.

Wake up. Sleep. Wake up. Sleep. And do it all over again.

Hearing nothing, feeling nothing.

The silence has overcome me.

I breathe in silence.

But not on my part. Never on my part.

Its by those closest to me. They've detached themselves from my emotions.

But I don't blame them and I don't hate them.

Who wants to deal with a depressed child any way?

Its 4 a.m.

I can't sleep. But its like this every night.

I don't know how I survived this long.
Wishing to be happy, to finally live my life.

But in the real world these dreams are impossible.

The silence fills the void in my heart.

No more pain. No more love.

Just silence.

Its 4 a.m.

But these are just the thoughts of a child, neglected by the ones she loves.

-Dallyislife 💜