Safeguard

I looked out of the train window and saw herds of cows grazing in the fields. Wildflowers grew everywhere. The sun was shining brightly. I could see the train station ahead. Everyone from District 10 was there to welcome me home. They were shouting, clapping, and smiling. As much as I wanted to just go home and sleep, I had to act happy and cheerful. But as the train pulled in, I began to feel comforted and at home. The mood of the people before me was contagious. For the first time in a long time I genuinely smiled. 

The door opened and I stepped out of the train, ready to see Chapter. The crowd continued to cheer. Peacekeepers escorted Crystal, Juniper, and I to the Justice Building. 

In there I was given the key to my own house in the Victor's Village. Crystal and Juniper came with me to see the house. I opened the door and was surprised to see Chapter standing inside. 

"Chapter!" I yelled. 

I ran the few steps in between us and gave him the biggest hug he'll ever have.  

"I told you you'd make home! Oh I'm so glad to see you again," said Chapter. 

"I'll see you around, Rapture," Juniper said as she left to go to her own home.  

"I guess I'll leave you too. I'll be by tomorrow afternoon. Have a good day," said Crystal. 

"Goodbye, Crystal," I said.  

"You look so much different," Chapter commented once the door was closed. 

"I guess the dress isn't really my style but I never really had a say in what I could wear anyway." 

"That's not what I meant." 

"I know." 

"I imagine you don't feel like talking much. We're already moved in, so you can go to sleep if you want," Chapter said after a brief pause. 

"Thanks but no thanks. I'd rather be with you for a while." 

We sat in the living room and began to talk. Chapter told me about how boring the last few weeks were for him. I told him about the Games and Lief. 

"When I was doing the interview, I felt like I was killing him. The things that I had said were not true. I... I didn't know what to do," I said. Tears had been rolling down my cheeks for quite a while by now. 

"You did the right thing. Lief would have wanted you to do it. He died so you could live. He would want you to be happy," Chapter consoled. 

"President Snow threatened me. He said that I had to act like Lief was nothing to me. It was so hard when he was my everything." 

"Rapture, I wish that I could tell you I understand, but I'm sorry. I know that you are hurt and it will be a while before you can move on. I promise to be with you for the whole thing. I won't leave you." 

Chapter gave me a tight hug and kissed the top of my head. I let my head rest on his chest. We stayed like that for a long time. 

"I'll be back. I have an idea," I said as I stood.  

I walked out of the house before Chapter could respond. I went to the butcher shop, where Lief used to work. Maybe his family would be there. I needed to talk with his mother. 

I walk into the shop and the little bell over the door rings. A woman looks up from behind the counter. Her hair was blond with streaks of grey. Her eyes were green, like Lief's, with wrinkles around the corners. Her eyes held sadness and mourning. I couldn't help but feel the same way when I looked at her.  

"Rapture, what can I get you today?" she asked. 

"Can I talk with you?" 

"Why? Why should I talk to the person responsible for my son's death? You aren't even sorry for what happened," she snapped. 

Her words stung. My eyes began to water. I could barely get out the words, "If only you knew." 

She looked shocked.  

"If you think that you were the only one to lose someone you love then you are wrong. So, so wrong. I loved Lief with all my heart. I didn't want to say those things about him but I had to or else Snow would kill me and Chapter. Do not say I'm not sorry. My entire being aches at the thought of him because he is gone. I can never hold him in my arms again or kiss him or hold his hand. Our time together was so short, but I know that I love him more than anyone on this earth." 

Mrs. Crank stayed silent for a moment, deep in thought and with a blank stare towards me. Her eyes filled with water and overflow. She steps out from behind the counter, took of her bloody apron, walked towards me and embraced me. I wrapped my arms around her as our tears fall on each other's shoulders. 

"I would like it very much if you and your family would come and stay with me in the Victor's Village," I said. 

"No, no. I don't wish to trouble you," she said. She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. A little boy comes running into the room. "This is my son Kyo."  

I knelt down to greet the boy. "Hello, Kyo. It's nice to meet you." 

"Hi," he said shyly. He grabbed hold of his mother's leg and hides behind her.  

I stood and said, "Please come with me. It's no trouble at all really. I'd get awful lonely if you didn't come. It's only Chapter and I who live there. I know it's impossible to make up for what you have lost. But won't you at least let me try?" 

"I have a daughter as well. Are you sure three more aren't to much?" 

"I'm positive." 

"I'm only saying yes because I don't want my children to starve. Thank you." 

"They'll be fine. You can come over anytime. Either I or Chapter will be there," I said. 

I walked out of the building and back to the house. I felt like a weight had just been lifted off of my shoulders. I was safe now. I could begin again. 

My thoughts always went back to Lief. My eyes watered but there was a smile on my face. I remembered our first kiss, when he told me he loved me, when he volunteered, the way he always protected me. He was my safeguard.